Anonymous Guest Blogger: It's Eating Away at Me.

So this post is a story from a good friend of mine, who suffers from bulimia. Look, I know, I know, there are a lot of people who suffer from self-image problems, so why do I have to bother and read about this?

The thing is, there ARE a lot of people out there with Bulimia/Anorexia. And that's an even better reason to not ignore it.

here is her story.

This month, IU Bloomington held its annual Body Image Week. And it got me to thinking, maybe all the skinny little girls who tried to pep-talk me in HPER should see what the face of real body issues looks like. My name isn’t important. What IS significant is my age: twenty. Because I have had bulimia for the last twelve years. You can do the math.

I can still remember that day in the second grade when Nikki – a Pop Warner cheerleader and popular even then with the boys – brought up weight at the after-school program we attended. Just a wisp of a thing, she announced that SHE didn’t have a weight problem… insinuating that I did.

For the record, Nikki remained a size zero for the rest of our days in school. Had anyone warned me about heredity, bone size, height or BMI, maybe my sick way of life could have been halted. What the hell is wrong with our educational system?

That night I went home to my favorite main course of fried chicken, and there was chocolate ice cream for dessert. And for the first time, I was ashamed to have eaten. In an attempt to prevent worsening my “weight problem”, I went outside to our circle driveway, surrounded by the tall hedges and walnut trees, and ran until I vomited.

In less than three hours, my life had changed forever. I just didn’t know it yet.

***

While I was an entirely normal-sized child at the outset, by the time I was eleven I was obsessed – with eating, with not eating, with disorders and calories. My little habit disappeared for two short summers, as I struggled instead to avoid consuming food for as long as I could stand it each day. By evening, I was famished, and would wolf down everything I could hold.

That was the beginning of my REAL weight problem.

I should inform you that I was not some girl who came from a home with no love, or failed at anything. I was an only child, Supreme Overachiever, eventually beautiful and always near the top of my class. People with Type A personalities traditionally go the anorexia route.

I guess that means starvation was the one thing I ever failed at in those days. Go figure.

At the age of thirteen, I was also a size thirteen. And I became obsessed with the number 135 – the number on the scale. I flinched if it budged one millimeter past, and as I was weighing myself up to six times daily, I was perpetually twitching. I was ashamed of my appearance, despite the fact that my jeans were the latest from Tommy Hilfiger. What did it matter, if I was a size Huge?

Fourteen brought with it exercise bulimia – and the first heart palpitations. Tae-Bo became my religion, and Billy Blanks was my prophet. (I still think he’s a badass.) At first I lost weight – success! – but as I was pleased with my results, I rewarded with food. The usual self-loathing always ensued. And thus, I stood in front of the bathroom sink and willed it to return as my sacrifice to the porcelain gods.

I should note what I defined as “eating too much” back then: one half of a plain turkey sandwich and a granola bar. How much punishment for such a transgression, you ask? Between four and ten times after every meal. It really depended on whether I’d also poured a serving of Cheez-Its as a side dish.

***

Amidst the turmoil of my dirty little secret, I had pride. I never had to stick a single thing down my throat to induce this. No toothbrush, no finger. Sheer concentration. When I announced this during a discussion with my physician recently, I knew my face betrayed my lack of shame in this accomplishment – because I saw the horror on hers.

Moving on with the story.

A couple other life-changing moments came about that year. The first was the controversy surround the Terry Schiavo case. She had been a vegetable for nearly a decade, most likely attributable to her own bulimia. At the same time, my heart experienced its first palpitations.

For the first time, I was scared. And I decided to quit.

During those weeks, rumors were circulating around my high school that I was making myself puke, even during class hours. They were entirely true, but as far as I was concerned also behind the times. I was reported to school officials. Over my protestations that I was healing, I was informed that they were calling my mother. Assholes. I mean, I appreciated the concern, but really? Now? As you can imagine, the conversation was oh-so-pleasant that night at dinner.

I joined color guard during my fifteenth summer, and lost fifteen pounds, below even the magic 135. For much of the next two years, vomiting and I had a casual relationship. I reverted on bad days. But I looked good, and was popular, so I did not hear the siren call of the sink’s edge quite as often.

***

One good thing came of my obsession: I could recognize it in others. One girl in the guard with me, Amy, sought my advice at a sleepover for the girls when I was a junior. But she didn’t want to know how to quit. She wanted to know how to do it quickly and quietly, with control. Listening to her eagerness gave me the chills. Was I truly that proficient? (Apparently so, as my mother had no idea it was still a problem until last week.) I begged Amy to not damage herself, to be happy with how gorgeous she already was. All I received by way of a reply was a stubborn look I had seen before - in the mirror.

At the age of eighteen, I graduated and relocated to college. This was the period when I discovered laxatives. You see, an unfortunate side effect of my habit is poor digestion. But this was one addiction I was afraid to develop. I did my best to use them sparingly, as they were stimulant variety. My attitude would later change.

***

During my sophomore year, I fell out of love with my then-boyfriend and in love with a man who hated the pain I caused him. When he decided he had had enough of my indecision, he cut off all contact with me – and thus I ran to my frenemy, food. I had never binged before. Purged constantly, but never truly binged. Now I gorged as if trying to take in all the food I had previously expelled. After every single bottle of Coke and package of Bagel Bites, I wallowed in self-hated. And then I puked my goddamn guts out, with just as much violence as I had years earlier.

I made a couple half-hearted attempts at therapy. I convinced myself that it was pointless, so I dropped it.

In those worst six months, I gained ten pounds. When I finally went home for the summer, I lost some of the weight naturally, and was happy. It was also the period when my physician told me about Miralax. All natural, no side effects. She said she didn’t care if I drank the stuff twice daily. So I took her at face value, and began abusing it on my “fat days”.

That fall, it finally caught up with me. I had had occasional heart palpitations for years; hell, half the time it was the only thing that could scare me straight. But that time was different. It went on not for a few minutes, but for over an hour. I couldn’t breathe. My roommate drove me to the hospital, and despite the EKG, blood and urine tests, they diagnosed nothing.

***

After that, I would attempt my usual runs, and every time I STOPPED the treadmill I felt instantly ill. Not before, not during, just after my workouts. Gagging, nausea, lightheadedness, and palpitations all became common. Once everything before my eyes went black and I begged my mother to keep speaking so that I wouldn’t hit my head on the concrete floor. I stopped exercising altogether, except for a couple games of racquetball each week. I have put on twenty pounds in the past year, and I am deeply unhappy about it, especially in the last month.

I fought the eat-everything-in-sight-then-get-rid-of-it urge for as long as I could. Everyone’s resistance gives out in the end, I suppose. Mine certainly has.

I have been out of the bulimia closet for six years. It has made no difference. I am fully aware that I need help. Last week, I sought it. I told the truth. Immediately I was EKG’d again, had multiple blood pressure and pulse readings taken, and was scheduled for a treadmill stress test the following morning along with an ultrasound. The technicians refused to spell out my results. Apparently, that’s my doctor’s job. I am currently awaiting her call.

Psychiatry or plain old Overeaters Anonymous meetings are in my future. The doctor also mentioned that I will probably get to wear an event (heart) monitor for a little while. I can’t wait to explain THAT to my boy the first time I take off my shirt and the thing is strapped to my chest. He’s one of the few people close to me who are unaware.

***

I am hoping against hope that this is not something I have done to myself. I pray that this is some disorder entirely unrelated to my internal mutilation. If I’m truly lucky, they’ll come back and say it’s all in my head. But it’s not.

No one should know such misery at their own hands. I am no better than cutters, burners, anorexics. If you have never had an eating disorder, then you do not get to talk about positive body image. You’ve never known a negative one.

I am a bulimic. Not for much longer.

Let's be Natural.

Today's a shitty day. But I'm not gonna let the circumstances get to me. Today's gonna be a good day. Despite the rain.

So I'm sitting there in G310, everything flying over my head, but there's one thing that caught my attention: "swimming is natural."

What the fuck dropped on your head?

"Swimming is natural"???? Yeah, I can seep in waters for hours without pruning up, or have the natural mechanisms such as webbed-feet or flippers to facilitate the act of "moving in water". Most importantly, I HAVE LUNGS.

I was awoken from my rainy-day slumber by that comment so I decided to follow up on what was actually partaking in class.

Turns out, we were talking about techniques of movement by the body. How men walk a certain way, while women are expected to conform to a certain gait. Or even how men throws balls, contrasted with a woman with a softball.

One student argued that repeated motions make the body conform. Like how we don't squat. But if we did, our legs would be formed a certain way to show that we squatted. Due to the stress we put on our legs. Western civilization created "chairs" that position our body a certain way that we have no need to squat. And the lack of squatting creates "straight legs".

So this go back to my initial outrage: nature.

It's "natural" to sit and let your body rest. It's "natural" how people walk.

Hmm?

The number one thing that Lisa Yang gets harassed about is her gait. Look, I have a medium arch on my feet, if I walk "normally" for too long, my feet would hurt. I have calluses on the sides of my big toes because of my medium-arch. I roll my feet in when I travel long distances because that's how my feet carries me.

To me, that's completely natural. I don't wear "special shoes" or inserts (though I really should) to help my feet adjust to the weight of my body on it all day.But here's the paradox: I walk like a dude.

I make a conscious effort to walk to a human being by "nature's standards", meaning I don't walk on my knees or hands or any other part of my body; other than my feet. I use my feet to carry myself places I want to go. My feet aren't perfect, but they "conform to societal norms". But that's NOT good enough! Because of how my feet is built, I walk a certain way, naturally (for me at least). But since the way I walk is comfortable for me, but deemed masculine by others, therefore, I am judged.

But again, this is the world we live in where processed foods cost 1/10th of "natural, organic" foods.

Also we live in a world where women spent HOURS everyday caking on make-up to appear an "artificial beauty" that is acclaimed by the general public! Men spent hours trying to create an image of, "I am scruffy and haven't showered in 3 days. Sexy."

Now, my readers know how I feel about 'feminism' so this is not about 2nd or 3rd wave anything. This is about being "natural".

"Natural" is a loaded word. There is no standard set of anything. Don't get me started on gay equality and "naturality".

If I was "meant" to be any certain way, created by a Greater Power, I wouldn't be the societal outcast with my "deformities". I embrace my gait, my feet, my body, my mind, my there-lack-of-soul.

It's quite ironic how "organic" is equated to "different" or "special" when it's supposed to be "natural".

Black Swan, Grey Goose.

BlaahhhH! Can you believe it? Another blog post about a movie that only some people watched, and less people liked!

Of course, this is the Intranet.

Holy shit, read up on Black Swan since like August. I was all up in her shit. As soon as I heard about it on afterellen.com (most visited next to Facebook and Twitter on my browser), I was too excited to see this movie. Why? Because Natalie Portman in The Other Boylen Girl was bitchy and I like bitchy.

Two girls that make my pants feel funny.

Natalie Portman was also in V for Vendetta! A heavily motif-ed movie about government. I love politics.

Mmm... Bald... So little girls can pull it off

Regardless of how annoying and whiney and creepy Evey is in V for Vendetta, the rest of the movie was fantastic! The story about the lesbian in the post-totalitarian UK was important, but felt out of place. I thought that turn in the movie was meaningful, but done wrong. Also goes back to how "lesbians are murdered off in Hollywood, because the rest of the world should feel sorry about them" theme. Whatever.

Well, I wish I was good enough at programming that I can write a button on this page to lead you (reader) to the reading of Black Swan that you want to read about. I got the feminist manifesto (i.e. the straight world of Hollywood hates Lesbians and wish we would die) and the fun version (where I'm optimistic and tell you about all the things I liked and disliked about this movie).

You're getting both. Close your eyes and scroll allllll the way down if you want to ignore the feminist manifesto part. (As part of my degree requires, I have to be a dick (pun) to all directors in Hollywood regarding lesbian storylines).

Okay! So here it goes... Manifesto!

I'll try to leak the least I can.

Mainstream Hollywood hates all Lesbians! We should all die! Nina (Nat. Port. [Yes, I'm that lazy]) dances in a ballet company in New York. She wants to be perfect. Of course, no ballerina is satisfied with being "mediocre". I mean, it's like a kid writing on their 3rd grade essay, "When I grow up, I want to be an amateur athlete." NO! We want to be Pro-Olympic-quality Athletes!

So there's an opening for the new Swan Queen because Beth (Wino. Ryd. [you figure it out yourself]) has been asked to step down as the Dancing Queen. Oh, of course it's not that simple, there's also a new chick. From San Diego. Hot. How hot? Hot as Meg from Family Guy.

No kidding! That hot!

Yeah, but it's kinda not Meg, it's Lily, played by Mil. Kuni. [Insert Dramatic Music]

So shit goes down, and there's a shit show. Typically what happens when women are at each other's throats.

Hollywood hates lesbians because any woman-on-woman action is concluded with death, betrayal, insanity, or all of the above. Guess which one Black Swan is?

Okay, this ends my manifesto. YOU CAN START READING NOW!

So I don't want to give much of the story away, but something I'd like to address: Nina and her mom's relationship.

When I was told that "nothing is an accident" in movies in my T206 class? I scoffed. Then after, every single movie I watched, there was a motif for something else in the movie. It was just a coin-key-dink. Whatevs.

***~~SPOILER ALERT~~***

So the director and writer wrote this movie so blatantly that Nina's (I'd say 22 years old?) room is a princess fairy-tale-land, living in her mom's apartment. As a fail ballerina, her mom wanted Nina to be mediocre like she was. (The mom was knocked up and quit dancing because I guess somehow pregger ballerinas are frowned upon :() My, my, I wonder if I can use cruder language to describe such high-brow art. Nope.

When Nina's mother not wake Nina up for her big day because Nina flipped shit on her mom the night before? Mom actually just didn't want Nina to be something she couldn't have. Mom can't stand Nina to be out of her control and soar high.

You'll understand this once you watched the movie. So I LIED ABOUT SPOILER!

Let's move on to the sex between Nina and Lily! Yeah... ***~~SPOILER ALERT~~***

It didn't happen. Well, at least in real life. Nina tripped on, what I think is coke or X, and wanted to embody the Black Swan so so so so badly that she wanted to fuck "the Black Swan".

Not gonna lie though, SUPER hot scene. My goodness, that clip leaked on the 'net so I can just talk about it! The black bra and panties Lily wore which symbolized Black and the white undies and bra Nina wore? Duh. But seeing two gorgeous women on screen tearing each other apart... priceless.

My favorite quote from the movie, "You had a crazy lesbo-sex fantasy about me?! How was I!?"

You know, I'd be asking the same thing if Natalie Portman came up to me and told me she had a sex dream about me. Or any girl, for that matter. :P

Okay, so the actual review...

I thought it was fantastic! The movie was JUST dark enough that I didn't have to rip my hair out. And all the cast was veryyyy good at what they did, and the director did a killer job showcasing them (ahem, Inception). Though I thought Mila Kunis's character was casted wrong. No, no, no, fellow lesbians, don't pick up the pitchfork yet! She was suupper sexy and fitted the bill with the "bad girl look". Both men and women look for that quality in a woman, don't lie. But I feel like someone else could've just as well filled the role.

I thought about casting Keira Knightly as the Black Swan, but I feel like a lot of our interational (even domestic) viewers would get suuuuper confused because Keira and Nat look so similar!

Challenge of the week: Which one is Nat?

Keira with a tan. How about that for compromise?

Fucking shit, I can't find a pic.... :(

To wrap things up...

Black Swan was a delightful watch, I'd go out and by the DVDs just because Nat. is so phenomenal in it. It's very nicely done because sexuality is key in this movie, but Aronofsky didn't trash it up! Good job, buddy.

The sound was great, the score was beautifully written with Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake integrated. A familiar sound with a beautiful modern twist. Too bad it dropped out of Oscar nods because it's too... "un-original" bullshit.

Beware now, readers...

Check yourself of Swan bumps before you dance next time.

Sincerely,

Lisa

Lesbian (Sub)Culture

So I'm super intrigued by culture. I love to teach and learn about different cultures and how people live their lives. Most cultures are born out of necessity and separated by geography. But I've recently been noticing a culture that is separated by geography, born of necessity, but all are of the same premise. Confusing? Yeah, I know, but let me try to explain myself. I will be using bullet points because that makes me sound more asshole-y and less stupid.

• Lesbian Culture is born out of necessity. Even though every member of the Lesbian community look different, smell different, and have no seemingly linear connection, they have on thing in common: Isolation. I'm not going to speak for all, but me personally, when I was a young confused little Midwest Asian girl growing up in the midwest (duh), I didn't have role models to look up to. I didn't have other gay ladies around me to help me feel included. Thank god for all the teen girl-on-girl-action flicks like But I'm a Cheerleader, D.E.B.S, Imagine Me and You, and most importantly, The L Word.
  Aside from these "role models," I swore to myself that there isn't another lesbian out there other then myself. Let alone anyone who would be interested in me. I wasn't the cutest little lesbian on the market.

Hi, 14 y/o Lisa Yang. Thanks.

When I went off to college, (god, I wish I had a pic to show everyone, but I'm sure you can find one on my Facebook easily) I had the hopes and aspiration that I will show up, and ladies would line up at my doorstep (Well, again, Facebook pics...). Except, may nights spent in my dorm room without a girl in my arms and wondering where are the cute lesbian (geez, at least curious) girls were.

• This sort of lesbian culture is born out of necessity because one party or more feels like the girl she's with right now is gonna be the only girl EVER for her. Like she's waited too long for a gay girl to come along that the next one may be another ten years down the line.
• It's very interesting because gay girls from different backgrounds all had or have had this phenomenon. It's a connecting factor in the Lesbian community.

I'm sure many lesbians out there were/are like me, looking for THE girl. Sometimes, the first girl you're with... you can't get rid of. Either because there's a sort of weird connection that even though she's a complete bitch; you can't seem to get yourself to get rid of her. I've heard of extremely long-distance relationships that only made sense to the people in it. And so frequently one party has to give up a lot to even maintain this relationship.

Heterosexual relationships are not as... "desperate" because the next guy you see can be "the" guy. Just as much as the guy you're currently with is.

I once had a conversation with a straight guy once about how, "Any one can be your 'one', because you have to be willing to be the right person for her." I completely agree. I can make any girl fall in love with me. I'm not being arrogant. If I want this relationship to work out, I can be sacrifice anything to make her happy. Granted, I may not be happy; but at least she's in love with me! :D

I find it kinda depressing that girls can't just think for themselves sometimes and see that there are plenty of good fish out there, without going overseas... or sacrificing themselves.

Welps, who am I to talk? I hope everyone have a great holidays and great winter break... I'll try to post more.

Reproduction is just the side effect.

I've been meaning to pick this blog back up for SUCH a long time. Shit, the last time I posted was back in '09. I know wines that are older that that.

Something about posting in a blog that I really like. Naturally, my fingers just find the curves of the keys and type away. I don't actually have any good content lately, but I can try to pull something out. Hmm. I got it.

Alright, so I was sitting in my "Media and Society" class the other day, and we're talking about sex. Ahhh, only my favorite topic, no?

Alright, so here it goes: we're talking about sex and this girl brings up a very interesting topic. "So back in the prairie days (I think she's talking about the 1850s?), people had sex to reproduce. The husband would be married to the wife, and it wouldn't have mattered if the wife came or anything, it was all about reproduction. Like now, we care about our feelings and emotions and pleasures." I stopped listening around then. She wasn't making a point.

Well, actually, she was. But I'm just quite curious; "the prairie people" had sex for reproduction only? I mean, there's just SO MUCH to do out in the open plaines! I have to get up at 5 am, milk my buffalo, pet my chicken, clean my horse. And then I have to go chase my buffalo before they fly away and clip their wings... Geez, I don't have time for sex.

The thing is, sex is such a natural need and desire. I highly doubt that "the prairie people" had sex ed like my 5th grade health class. I mean, what are the chances that John knew the mechanics of "sex"? You put it in, you take it out, you put it in again, and there was a funny feeling. If you do it enough times, my legs get weak and my soul leaks out. And for some weird reason, my wifey's belly's getting bigger, Hmm.. I better feed her less, if not she might eat all my buffalo wings.

I'm sure they were more sophisticated than that. But I don't know how about feel about, "people from the olden days only had sex for reproduction".

I've heard about affairs throughout history. Cleopatra and Antony, for example, is a classic tale. Their relationship not political, they had no desire to reproduce. They just want to fuck. There, I said it. Napoleon and Josephine. Granted those couples weren't necessarily having an "affair", but what they had was true love. It wasn't a partnership, it wasn't a business transaction.

Reproduction is side-effect. Pleasure is the main drug.

In the present day, we don't have to chase flying buffalos anymore, or pet our own chickens, we have time to sit down and think about what makes us feel good. In the publishing age, people will write about ANYTHING they can get their hands on. Go to amazon.com (this is NOT an endorsement, you better pay up, Amazon!) and search up a book on annnyyy topic you want. I'll go ahead and do an example. Penis enlargement. Twitter. How to Spit. I searched how to spit and I found that salamanders spit to protect themselves. See what's happening here? Back in the days, it's "If you can't, you teach." Now it's, "If you can't, you write about it".

So how's surprised that there's 5 bajillion books out there on "sex"? I am totally getting that penis enlargement book too, Super Saver Shipping! Wahbam!

My point? Oh yeah. So now, we have the time to sit down and discuss what feels good to us, and make it about us.

The misconception of "people back then don't have sex for fun" is wrong. What I'm saying is, there were people out there who had sex for fun. There were people out there who had sex for reproduction. People now have sex for fun. (we're more vocal about it, c'mon have you never checked out Ijustmadelove.com?) There are also people now who have sex for reproduction. It just seem like a crime these days if you're fucking but not enjoying.

Shit, final tomorrow. 'Til next time, bloggers.

Boys who Don't Look Like Boys: To 5 Androgynous Men Who Won Over Many (too many) Asian Girls

My last post from eons ago regarding Girls Who Don't Look Like Girls had a pretty good response, and I promised a post regard Dudes who look like chicks, and here it is.

The same story: these guys are very cute and attractive, have millions of little girl fans everywhere swooning over them. Amazing ass hair and being scrawny ass and tall are their trademarks. So another sociological phenomenon: why do Asian girls love them?

I think this world is constantly searching for an equilibrium. When you open a can of pop, you hear the Tssk, and all the carbon dioxide in that can escapes to equalize with the air around it. Because the air we breathe has a much small concentration of carbon dioxide is in the can.

People are equilibrating. Instead of finding a man like the one on the Brawny paper towels, we float towards someone like Mr. Clean. Brawny man is all beard, lives in the woods, and chops trees. Mr. Clean has some sort of mystique about him that his shiny head is not telling us. He's "built" like the "brawny" men, but that earring and that look in his eyes say otherwise. In his hourglass shaped body, almost, to me, seems like, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, and moms".

Am I insinuating that Mr. Clean is paired with Mr. Really Clean? I'm not bold enough to put my foot down.

Essentially, we're looking for an equilibrium. To indulge in the "gayness" in everyone, these Asian girls choose to fan someone who isn't the classic "Brawny man" and still fit into the social norms of "being straight".

Because of how our social system is set up, either originates from the bible of the West, or what westernization has done to the East, the social normative is a man and a woman = couple. When that norm is taken down, or non-exposed to someone, he or she decides who to feel an attraction for. There is no such thing as a clean slate. As soon as a child is born, he or she is given a name. That name connotes more than just a label, identity, or gender. For example, sorry if any one out there with this name, but I'm just pulling this out of my ass. The name Joanne Rodriguez: What do assumptions do you immediately made?

Personally, I would gather that she is a female, potentially of hispanic or latino descent. The name Joanne is not a very "latino name", per se. So I would make assumptions regarding that her parents don't necessarily live in any latino countries. But I can be completely wrong.

Assume. Make and ass out of U and Me. Stereotypes are bad. Yes. But without stereotypes, how can we understand anything in this world? When you are stopped at a traffic light, you see a red light, and you learned it means stop. And the green means go. You learned it. Congratulations. If you didn't, please don't drive when I'm on the road, I'll post my driving schedule later.

So else where, you see the two colors again, instructing you to do something. Anything. And you see red. Stereotypically, you would assume that you should stop.

You're watching a movie. A person is killing people. Or the guy the story most is about. You make assumptions that the killer is the antagonist in this movie. Because stereotypically, that's what antagonists do.

I'm saying stereotyping is bad. But like every skill in life, know when to start or stop the use of it.

I ramble wayyyy too much. I need to get back on topic.

So, at equilibrium, we get these dudes that basically look like girls. Excuse me that my media circle is not very large, so I'll just resort to men of Taiwan's cinema. If you have other suggestions of men who look like girls, feel free to throw them at me. Except... don't actually "throw" them at me, I have a girlfriend. :)

5. Mike He 賀軍翔 -- He's really popular in Asian. That's all I can say about him, I don't really pay much attention to these pretty boys (sorry!). But I guess he's less "girly" than these other guys, but he's still very pretty. I mean his bone structure is more masculine, but still. Very pretty. Too pretty.

4. 唐禹哲 -- This dude is very pretty. I wouldn't say he particularly look a lot like a chick, but... he looks like a rice queen. Okay, he really doesn't, but I'm personally biased towards him because of my woman think he's so hot and shit. If she's dating me, and thinks he's hot... how manly can he be?

3. 汪東城 -- Seriously? I've seen girls who are wayyy more manly than him. In this pic, he kinda looks like Denise Ho. Except prettier. He's in a boy "band" (they don't play anything but with each other's hairs) called Fahrenheit and is the "brother band" of my fave, S.H.E. except they just look pretty.

2. 林志穎 -- He's been around for so long... *sigh* I remember watching him on TV when I was 5. And now he still looks like this means he was even more fem back in the days. He's so pretty. Like there's an actor dude out there that once said if he was a girl, he would so jump on Lin. Because... he looks like a girl. If he tells me he's straight, I'll tell you I like cock. (sorry for the vulgarity)

1. 吳尊 -- The first time I saw him, I thought he was the prettiest guy ever. My heart skipped a beat. He's so so so so so cute! But also means he look super much like a girl. His features are just so delicate. This may not be the best picture, but seriously. Very. fem.

The list above is just my personal opinion, I realize there are a lot of fans (including my girlfriend) of those celebrities, and please don't take offense. I've seen even more girlier boys, but never had the chance to catch their names. Not that I really care, for that matter. But just think about how what does this trend of loving girly men means for Asian girls.

Yahoo! News Can "simulate fellatio"

So I like to get my news while sitting in class. Okay, I'm posting a blog while I should be learning about chemical digestion in organisms. So I'm not the best student.

Recently, I've been trying to get back in touch with the world. Maybe reading about someone else's misery will make my own life seem more minute and careless.

I love controversy. I love gossip. So I love celebrity news. Sometimes.

Today, 11/24/09, I am sitting here in Ruesink's L112 Biology lecture, I got distracted and went to Yahoo! News on the home page. I read a little something last night about Adam Lambert's "racy performance" and how it was censored for the west coast. I mean, I'm sure they'd censor the performance for the whole country, but it was live, so they can only prevent the west coast from his reign of terror.

See, generally, when I see censorship on TV, I'm extra curious what's going on behind there. I mean, it's like Playboy; people like it because it leaves something to the imagination. I've seen porn out there that's actually censored, and I guess some people like that. But like on The Office, where they actually censor for comedic effects, it's because they are using the ridiculousness as humor. There's things they can't show or say on TV, thus they abuse their position by censoring, and you laugh. More.

So some kid on the west coast is watching the AMAs, and is hoping one of these days he'll be on that stage, except without a drug problem (we would hope). Then Adam Lambert's part is up, and instead of watching another performer on stage, interpreting their music, he see a chunk of mosaic block on TV. If he haven't heard the news, he would be super curious what happened there. So, like any teen these days, hops onto his computer, googles or Yahoo! searches "Adam Lambert censored". Bam! Over a million search results come up, and more likely then not, 75% of those links involve actual fellatio or analingus. How he's tainted and his computer has 203948032 viruses. Thanks for fucking up everything.

Like Adam Lambert said, it is really crass to edit to someone's performance. Music is all about entertainment and expression. Isn't it? Like Lambert said, his music is not for everyone. His show is not for everyone. If people want to watch the AMAs, they would turn to that channel. If Adam Lambert is not what someone wants to see perform, change the channel. If you stumble upon a porn channel, you don't wanna watch it? Change the channel.

Performers are there to entertain. People can choose not to watch. It's that simple. It's simply insulting to censor someone's art. Georgia O'Keefe would be pissed if someone "censored" her paintings and actually make it look like a flower. If you don't want to go to her gallery, then don't.

My judgements towards Yahoo! News are the fact that they would post something like that on their homepage and word the headline as "Lambert on AMA fallout". His performance was not a "fallout", what they did with his show was. As a reader, you would be intrigued or sympathetic by the headline. But sympathy is not what he wants. He's out and he's proud. His show is not a fallout.

Another bone I want to pick with Yahoo! News ("other then the one in my pants" - from Juno) is that, when you click on Lambert's story, there's "related news" scattered through out article. As related news, you can see pictures of other "Gay and Lesbian Hollywood Stars". It's somewhat insulting that gays and lesbians are set aside as a slide show. It's demonstrating that we ("society") still see people based on sexual orientation. Would Hollywood even exist without the plethora of overzealous gay people?

Absolutely not.

If there was a slide show called "Black People of Hollywood", it would simply derogatory. But sadly I would see Yahoo! News posting something like that. How about "White People of Hollywood"? It would just seems redundant. How about "Jews of Hollywood"? "Scientology of Hollywood"?

Exposure? Yes.

Blatant discrimination? Yes.

I mean, what is Yahoo! trying to say? Check out all these faggots and dykes in Hollywood. Look out. Or is it more of a "let's celebrate these people who make this place possible"?

Your decision. Let me know what you think.

Dyke, Dyke, Dyke, Dyke... FAGGOT!

I'm taking precious study time out to write a blog. Not really. Just procrastinating, of all things.

So today, I sat in on a lecture of my Amy's. (MY AMY ;)) This lecture was taught by Dr. Susan Stryker, my Gender Studies professor, whom I have great respect for, in the sense that she is very knowledgeable and highly intelligent. She seems to be a very easy-going person whilst making an impact in our LGBT community. If I got to know her, on a personal level, I might actually make her a personal hero of mine, but I haven't gotten to that level yet.

So back to sitting in lecture.

I was there to kill some time, also to learn about "Gender Identity and the Body". Well, I noticed a dramatic difference when she's in this 100-level class lecture, and also in my 200-level class discussion and lecture. She feels pretty comfortable to talk about many things in either classes, but there is far less discussion from the audience in this 100-level lecture. Though I understand the impersonality of a grand lecture hall, it seems these students aren't as willing to participate as well.

As I was exiting the classroom, I was walking in front of some girl. She was seemingly annoyed by the Professor, as she was making ignorant comments such as "Oh, she's a transgender and she has a partner..." I was quite offended by her statement, and just announced, "Well, why don't you just drop the class then, if you're not feeling comfortable in it." It wasn't directed at anyone, necessarily, but it was quite obvious why I said that. So she began to recover by saying, "Well, I guess if she used to be a man, then it works for her."

Pssht. Noob freshmen. Or maybe just hos in general. As a sophomore, I came back to much familiarity, but also more ignorance. In my Chemistry lecture, this girl was making annoyance comments regarding the material she was being taught. There were 200 people in that lecture hall who were there to learn. Honestly, of the 200, not many people are gonna eat that stuff up like candy, including myself. But we're all there for a reason, to fulfill our requirement, or to advance our understanding of the microscopic world. If you dont' like what is being presented to you, there is no knife at your neck. Please exit, there are people who are trying to get into this class. Thank you.

Back to Professor Stryker.

I think it's very impressive of her that she's out and comfortable with her sexuality like she is. There are many straight people out there who aren't as comfortable with themselves. Being gay or transgendered is ostracized by our narrow society, but instead of hiding the shadows of this marginalizing world, she's here to make a difference. She's here and she's queer.

I, Lisa Yang, personally don't quite think my orientation matters as much to my life as my person as a whole. I don't care about making everyone I encounter aware of my status as a lesbian, but rather, I care to let them know that I'm a passionate person who will get the job done right.

I'm not sure about Professor Stryker's starting point regarding her "outness", but she's only hoping to better this world.

So here, my kudos to you, Professor Stryker.

Batman's SuperPower

People have problems with Batman. Some say he's not a real superhero. Some say he's the real super super hero because he doesn't have any "super powers".

But No. I would like to disagree. I believe Batman as superpowers, thus, he is a superhero.

Superman has superhuman strength, ability to fly, and bullet proof.

Flash has super human speed.

Aquaman is fish.

Spiderman has spider DNA interfused into his human DNA.

All the different X-Men are mutants.

Wonderwoman hates men.

Welp. Batman has super powers. His super power is his superhuman ability to make money. He is a baller, which helps him buy all his gadgets and machines. Without money, he cannot make a titanium-bat blood-infused pimp ride.

By that logic, Bill Gates also has superhuman powers.

You Might Be a Lesbian If...

Alright, blogosphere, I know there's many many many many lists out there that says "You Might Be a Lesbian If...", but this one, I'm gonna tell you now, is not much more accurate, just more of a fun read. ;)

Enjoy.

• This is absolutely cliche; but if you're reading this post, you're more likely that you're questioning yourself. And if you're even questioning yourself, then you're probably a lesbian. Or at least bi, stop kidding yourself. ;) I'm sure Econ or Pysch or English is INCREDIBLY interesting, but I'm sure that's not the reason why you can't take your eyes off your teacher/professor.
• Lesbians have incredible strength. I'm not even kidding, almost every one I know can pick up a cinderblock and drop it on her own toes. Like my little cousin, I know it's not saying much, but she can probably out arm-wrestle any emo boy. C'mon girls, it takes a lot of throw a softball. That's just such a bad stereotype! My lovable roommate constantly reminds me that it's so not true, but those butch girls are so cute! Also, us lesbians are also the lazier of the bunch, we like to carry in all our groceries in one run, which also develops our biceps to mutant status.
• If your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a lesbian.

Above: Lesbian hand

I honestly still holds that 80% true to heart. All the "straight" girls I've met had longer index fingers, all bi girls I've met had completely even lengthed ring fingers. But I've also met about 5-6 straight girls with longer ring fingers. So, 80%. But if you're left handed, this theory is nullified.

There is actual scientific proof that sustains this theory, actually. According some college some where, when in the uterus, the fetus that receives larger amounts of testosterone develops the ring finger more, thus making it longer. More testosterone means more masculinity, which one may include attraction to females.

I don't know. I guess it's not a theory, since it's not a proven fact... it's a decent hypothesis at most. Take it with a grain of salt. The only real way to determine a woman's orientation by her fingers is if they are inside of you. Sorry for the vulgarity, but it's so true. (credits to a certain aE reader ;))

• Heard this on the L Word: When you were a child, did you prefer a monkey or a horse as a pet? If you answered monkey, our team is more suited for your liking. But I also know a gal who happens to be a big fan of horses, but she is a bigger fan of girls (or so she tells us). There's always exceptions to every one of these little lesbians markers, but we've been speculating the validity of her work visa to play for our team for a while now... Hmm...
• Finger nails. So I was talking a good friend of mine from high school, and somehow we got to the topic of... ob/gyn. And something about some acrylic nails and 33 stitches and 2 lesbians. Put that together yourself, I'm not suggesting anything. But yeah, so lesbians must have short nails. Which is understandable.

So this random hour, on this random day, my roommate (yes, JUST roommate) and I decided, we need to educate ourselves, because the $8000000000 we pay in tuition isn't doing us much of any favor. We went out and got a Hustler. Yes. Porno mag. Love it. And in the centerfold, we found: Bleached blonde chick, silicon boobs with a Grande Canyon between them, and acrylic nails. Guess where those acrylic nails went? 33 stitches.

Hypothesis 1: Those lesbians were ruff-riders

Hypothesis 2: The girl in the magazine is just posing, and not... much... action?

Regardless, it's always been a classic sign to tell if this hottie is swinger her bat for your team if her nails are short.

• Lesbians are good with computers. Personally, I don't wanna brag, but I know my way around a computer quite nicely, as I know words like: USB, SD Card, Memory Stick (Pro Duo), DDR (nope, not the arcade game), RAM, Flash (not the kind at Mardi Gras), PC, Mac and the like. Like even numbskull Jenny from the L word apparently knows how to jailbreak an iPhone so she can use it as a video camera! Tina knew enough to cyber with a dude, Alice knows how to upload podcasts, and Max/Moira works at a computer place! Nuff said? Hot cast beats bad writing anyday.

I know this is quite short, but I lost my notes for this post... let me know if I left anything major out ;)

peace out!

p.s. Remember! great piece of salt when reading ANY of my posts. ;)

Big Pimped in the NYC

Hello, ladies. 

The liveblog I promised: I realized it's a complete bore to force you all (3) to put up with my journey to the great east, thus, I'll just highlight some of my favorite parts. 

I went to see Chicago on Broadway, and I would highly recommend it if you haven't seen a broadway show before. Aha, I'll do a short compare and contrast with the musical and the 2005 Academy-award-winning-gorgeous-ladies-studded movie. 

 VS.

Not going to lie, the main reason I chose Chicago over the plethora of other Broadway shows is because of a sweet lady by the name of Chandra Wilson. Miss Wilson stars on popular prime time show Grey's Anatomy as Dr. Miranda "The Nazi" Bailey. I absolutely adore her. She's a small, ambitious, no-nonsense perfectionist pediatric surgeon. Beast. 

Funny story: so I'm a woman, thus I have to pee like 40 times a day. So do other women. The line outside the Women's restrooms in the Big Apple are as long as the lines for rides at Disney World. But unlike the rides at Disney World, I have to get in. I'm determined. As I'm standing in line, formulating how awesome it is to relieve the pressure on my bladder is going to be, I see this little woman stumble out of restroom. OMG! Chandra Wilson! I was gonna jump out of line and run after her for a photograph, but then... I'd lose my spot. So I let that opportunity slip, besides, she turned out to be the cleaning lady anyways. (nothing derogatory intended) 

But the cool thing was, this girl was tall and lanky in front of me, she had her hood up, and I was being a little bitch, and was thinking thoughts like: "wow, does she think she's Halle Barry or something?" It's not because it's her, it's because I think of that for any person who's trying to be inconspicuous. Well, I got back to my 2nd row seat, and saw her sat down in the front row, with her family. I'm absolutely convinced that she's Chandra Wilson's daugther, Serena. (I think that's her name. I really should do my research before making claims.

Well, I did take some pictures, but I don't want to seem like a complete stalker. Or a criminal for taking pictures at a Broadway show. So I'm gonna upload, but I had no intentions of copyright infringement, I'm just a really really big fan. All copyrights belong to the Chicago and Co. (just to be on the safe side ;) The usher actually did threaten to take away my new camera if I don't stop taking pictures! The Horrors!)

Well, back to the comparison. 

Roxy - 

Broadway (Played by Bonnie Langford): She was... incredibly immature. She wanted fame, and it doesn't matter how she got it. Which was completely on par with the script. Roxy was supposed to be this girl who wanted to make it famous so badly, she would sleep with anyone. It was exaggerated, it was over the line, it was appropriate.  

Movie (Played by Renee Zellweger): Renee gave me this vibe of innocence. I've never seen anything else done by her, but I have seen clips of Bridget Jones, which gave me this faux-naiveness about her. Her portrayal didn't scream slut or prima donna to me, it just seemed out of character. My favorite Roxy part has to be the ventriloquist. And to the list of "Bitch-moves by women", topping it has to be the pregnancy off of Chicago.  It was beautiful. It was perfect. 

Velma- 

Broadway (Played by Arma-Faye Wright): She most definitely has the shazzam of a jazz singer, her performance was incredible, in the sense of a live show. Her face looked of an mid-30s if not 40s woman, but her body moved with the music that 20 year-olds cannot possible manage. (okay, I don't know shit about dance, so I may be completely off). She was really good. Her acting, though, wasn't as great. She didn't send off the "deserving prima donna" vibe. She was the main dish of this show because she could sing and dance incredibly well. This is comparing to Catherine Zeta-Jones. 

Movie (Played by Catherine Zeta-Jones): I've also haven't (consciously) seen anything done by Catherine, but I was sold. Her bob-hair cut and her bitchiness radiated from her bones. She was perfect for the part. Her dancing would probably be just as good if I were to see her live, but her disadvantage is that film reel. During the song, "Acts of Desperation", the dance and acting skillz of Catherine was noticeably better. My favorite Velma part is the Cell-Block Tango, it was clever and very well performed by both the live and studio production. 

Ignore the dude's head 

Overall

Broadway: It was a wow factor of 10. It was incredible to see these people sing and dance so eloquently and can be goofy when necessary. Everything was perfect. If I were to have seen the Broadway production first, it would have probably be ranked as one of the top experiences ever (yes, even better than Niagara Falls. Much better). I realize the lack of props available and all the limiting circumstances of a stage musical, and I still found it amazing. I'm seriously a big fan of plays. From high school to Broadway. All the people work really hard in it to put together something entertaining for people to talk about. I love the energy.

Movie: I love movies. All the possibilities and all the crazy things you can do. Love it all. The director of Chicago did an awesome job putting things together. My favorite difference from the movie and Broadway show are the transitions and integrations between the storyline and music. 

If you haven't checked out either, I greatly recommend it. Seriously. Check it out, yo!

Up Next! Signs you might be a lesbian! I know there's a lot of those out there... but this one's from Lisa ;)

Wait! Wait! Attention Please!

Due to technical difficulties, (and slight laziness), the liveblog is not going on as planned. >< I sincerely apologize, but I'll get everything back up and pictures uploaded ASAP. 

Heads up! 7 up!

Just letting you readers out there know... (I know there's like 3 of you, but still) 

This coming weekend, this blogger will be in NYC, and from there, there will be a live-blog for the events that occur. And by live blog I mean I'm gonna update all the occurrences that day, with photos, instead of when I come back, get off my lazy ass and then blog. I'm gonna let all you know what happens in my extremely personal life. muhahahaha. heh. I know you guys don't care, but throw me a bone! I'll talk about the logistics of an Asian wedding, and how much I'm against it. Sound good?

Shot Down # 3232

Alright, so being in the relationship business, being shot down is like trying the grapes at the grocery. It looks really good, you go for it, then realize it's sour than most lemons. But at least you know not to buy it. ;)

So today, on my day off, I went to Charlotte Rouge. You know to pick up some sexy-wear for my trip to NYC this weekend. ;D As I entered the store, this girl comes up to me to offer me assistance, like any place that employs good employees. Which I usually don't get offered help there, because I'm so asian and everything. So this assistance-offering was awkward for me. But also very welcomed. I was first put off because someone even offered to help, but 3.34 seconds later, I also noticed how cute the girl was. ;) She was short, blonde, and über sweet. My fave. 

So, holding my niece, I wandered the store a little bit. And she came back around to offer me shoe sizes. Another personal phenomenon for me. So I was sold by this girl.

Alright, eyeing her for a little bit, I finally got up the courage and said this to her: "I'll trade you her (my niece Anna) for your phone number."

Then she gave me something I use myself frequently: The awkward, "I'm not interested" laugh.

Oooh... yikes. 

It's okay though, it's not me, it's her. ;) At least I tried the grape even at the risk of someone coming up to me, and saying "That's stealing!!"

Saving Face: Don't mistake it for Private Ryan

I know this is wayyy overdue. I've just been an lazy ass, I'm so sorry! But here, today, on another wonderful mindless day off, I'm "reviewing" Saving Face. 

I know, there's so many topics on my to-do list, but I was watching an episode of "Retro Viewing" from afterellen, which can be found here, and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie. 

Okay, I know I say that about ALL movies I blog about, but for realz, this is the shit. I've literally watched it 20830958 times. Not that I am counting. ha. 

Ahemmm! So here we go.

Here above is Wil, protagonist, Ma, and Jay (the dude) sitting around watching olllllddd ass Chinese dramas on tv that I don't think any of them understands. 

Wil, played by the gorgorgorgorgorgeous Michelle Krusiec is a surgeon. She's actually a lesbian. Bam! Bet you didn't see that one coming! Whhatt? She's Asian, and she's a surgeon (thanks Alice Wu [the director] for that stereotype reminder) there's no way she's a lesbian! She's waiting for her Asian prince charming on a white horse to arrive and sweep her off her feet! (Wait, that's every lesbian. You know, they just haven't met the "right guy") No. It's like that straightie ho haven't met the right girl to give her a woozy feeling inside every time she looks at her. And she's probably able to sweet the straightie ho off her feet too, you know how lesbians are incredible strong. (Which would make sense why I was always the one picked to arm wrestle dudes back in elementary school. ><  it all makes sense now...)

Okay, quick non-movie related interjection. This I don't understand: why do girls giggle?! I think I've might have made this comment before, but bear with me, I've been under the influence too many times for someone my size. ><

Like, hear me out! (this was deleted by blogspot, so I'm gonna have to reiterated as best as I can) I'm the kind of creeper that talks to everyone. Like whenever I'm buying something, waiting for something, I would strike up a conversation with someone to just create conversation. More likelier if she happens to be a really cute girl. ;) So I'm like paying for my Abercrombie, crack, pretzel, movie ticket, more crack, upper arm strengthening apparatus or like electronic device, I would always causally ask how the person was doing. And then also say something witty or whatever, just to make an impersonal transaction, more personal. And most of the time, I'm not even flirting. I'm just being the curious and chatty ol' me. But then the girl would GIGGLE! 

What's up with that?? 

I mean, I would understand if I was a cute hunky guy and eliciting these reactions, but rather, I'm like this short Asian chick who's honestly average. But they laugh at me! I understand some people laugh to fill awkward moments or something. (I mean, I do. But I always create the awkward moments, my skin is thicker than most leather jackets sitting on a motorcycle dyke.) Like I misinterpret that as flirting! And I always think that the lovely ladies want me, and I get their employee discount, but I'm just so taken off-guard by this "giggling" that I've already left the store before I processed it as "omg, maybe she's into me!" 

Ladies, tell me. Tell me! Tell me. Are these girls interested, or am I just a creeper who's overthinking things? (Puh-lease, I'm a lesbian, of course I'm overthinking things.)

(cough) Excuse me, back to Saving Face. 

So Wil is a surgeon. Yippee! Her life is going well, she's gonna be a baller soon, and she met this incredibly hot and graceful dancer chick that probably can wrap her legs around her own body. Twice. It's like every girl's dream, a yoga instructor, gymnast, or a dancer. mmmmm... ;D Played by the incredibly cute Lynn Chen, who looks just as incredibly much like Ah Sa (Charlene Choi) from Hong Kong pop idol/slutasticness Twins. I thought it was her in the movie when I first saw the posters. Don't get me wrong, I love Ah Sa, but I never have anything against sluts. 

Okay, whatever, I'm crazy. But no! certain shots of these girls look a lot alike! I promise! Yeah, I actually get that a lot, I think some girl reminds me of some chick, but honestly, nowhere near. Mmmhmm. Charlene is much cuter, and Lynn is much sexier. (sigh) I fail once again. And yes, that does look like a stalker pic of Charlene, only if I'm that stalker...

Anyways! But like any movie, things that goes well doesn't last for long. Of course not. There must be conflict to have resolution. And without either, you have no movie. Or a really shitty one. So one day, after a long day of surgeoning, Wil comes home to find a lost puppy outside her door. Except that lost puppy has a family-size pack of Charmin's big rolls with her. And that lost puppy is her mother. Turns out, her widow mama is preggers. That means, Wil can pick up chicks with her little brother/sister when she's 48 and her sister/brother is 18. (I've already done the calculations, when my little über cute niece is 18, and I'm 36, we can go clubbing and she can seduce little boys while I hit it home with her hottie friends who are "just so confused". ;D I'm horrible.

Well, no spoilers this time! So you'll have to watch the movie to find out what's going on, what happened, and how crazy does surgeon/dancer sex gets! But the review doesn't ends here, noooo... I still haven't put in my 3.43 cents worth yet!

What I liked about this movie:

I loved Saving Face super much, obviously, I've seen it so frick-frackin' many times. It has a really cute story. Really, it does. It doesn't take the lesbianism out of reality, as in no one cares that this hottie is banging that hottie. It actually puts lesbian back in its place of being nonchalant in the 21st century American community, but totally taboo in the daily reenactment of the 19th century Asian population. People would NEVER began to imagine someone as being gay, no matter how flamin' they are. Welcome to oblivion. 

It is a really good coming out movie to show your parents if you have the balls to do it. (which I really don't) And it's just a good, cuddle up with ice cream, it's raining-men-out-there-but-I-don't-care-days movie. Everytime I want to pop in a movie, but have no idea what to watch. I watch Saving Face. I've also written SO many papers on this movie, it's starting to get redundant. And also got A's on those papers too! My paper was so moving that my teacher actually watched it with her fiancé, and she was like, "it was an interesting watch". Yikes.

What I don't like about Saving Face: 

When I first encountered this movie, (which can be found at your local Blockbuster or YouTube [Product placement! pay up, hos]) I was like, 15. And didn't really have a taste or distaste for bad acting. So when I watched it after seeing "better" movies, and found this to be a really bad acted movie. I mean, given it's overall impact on me, its a really good movie, but the acting definitely needs work. 

But yeah, when you are bored, or just jonesing for some good ol' lesbian action, hit up Saving Face, I don't think you'd be disappointed. Hot chicks. Check. Asians. Check. Multilingualism. Check. Sex. Check. Hot Asian Chicks. Check. Hot Asian chicks having sex. Check. Hot Asian chicks speaking multiple languages while having sex. Um... yeah, this movie needs work.

As a first production from the Asian lesbian director Alice Wu, it's a gem.  

  

Age is Just A Number...?

So by request, there is an excellent topic that I wanna talk about: "How young is too young for me to date your skinny ass?" or "If I remember when the dinos became petroleum, is that too old for you to date me?" 

Like classic folks say, "Age is just a number". That's what cougars say when they want to bang some fresh meat. Or what gold diggers say when they need someone new to feed their habit. (I'm speaking of Abercrombie & Fitch, Luxury hand bags, luxury sunglasses, overpriced French food, and occasionally, crack.) I personally think there's a limit or restriction. 

We actually talked about that in my Gender Studies class last semester, and we concurred as a class that legal limits are set for a reason. A youngster under the age of 18 has a prematurely developed frontal lobe that prevents them from accurate make decision about anything. (I hate hate hate being stuck behind kids at the cereal aisle, they can't ever decide between Cinnamon Toast Crunch or French Toast Crunch. [or maybe it was just my dilemma since I'm the only one old enough to even remotely remember that they ever made a "French Toast Crunch". Greatest cereal ever. I swear])

Well, going back to the topic... 

I personally have no fucking idea how I feel about age and relationships. Like I, an 18 year-old, always have been crushing older women ever since I was aware of my gayness. But how old is too old? I like older women because they are more mature, and I can be my gay ass immature self with them and be justified because I am young. I also like to blame all my faults and immaturity on me being a kid. But no longer can I do that, right?

High schoolers bother me. I know, I need to get off my high horse because I should only be a high schooler, getting ready to graduate. But I feel like a year of college whipped me into shape. I know how to deal with people better, talk to people, and being myself and having a good ass time. High schoolers tend to hold on to things beyond their reach. (I guess it's just some people in general). But once you hit a stage in your life, you learn to let go of things that don't matter as much or can't help. Maybe it's all me. But I always had a hard time working with younger people, and preferred older people. 

As I hit a plateau of maturity, I am hoping that everyone is on the same page after... 18, 19? I mean, there is a significant difference between 15 year-old Lisa and 18 year-old Lisa. And I guess I'm just assuming that everyone else is the same. Assuming. I don't know for sure. Also I talked to someone a little bit ago, she was 14, 15ish, and I was 17, and we didn't click that well. I blamed it on the age, but it might just be because we're different people. 

See, I have no right writing about this, since I know nothing about this topic and I am sure as hell confused as everyone else is about it!

I mean, I wouldn't mind trying things out to see if it's the age or the person. I would conduct an experiment with controlled variables down to the very last hair on the back of someone's feet. Too bad that's impossible. 

I guess, in conclusion, the only thing that matters is if these two people are on the same page of their life. I think it's completely ridiculous to date someone right before they go off to college. College opens up a world of new experiences, and it would be completely unfair to have a long distance relationship that might "hinder" (I know it's not the best word for it) the ultimate college experience. It's also ridiculous to think that a high school relationship will last forever. According to my friends stats, they don't. People become on different pages of their lives, people change, it's a fact. 

It seems weird to me to date someone under the age of 18 that's MUCH younger than me. I would feel like a paedo. I mean, a 13-14 year-old would have nothing to offer me. More likely than not, they would not have a path set for themselves that they want to follow like I do. They are kids. I am not. I'm responsible. And that would also be illegal. I do enough illegal shit that that shouldn't be one of them. 

Anyone older than I would be okay, as long as they want the same things out of life as I. 

I don't know what else to ultimately say, other than this:

I guess age doesn't really matter as long as two people are open for discussion regarding what who wants out of a relationship. Make sure that portal is open, because life situations change. A lot. 

Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Star 運財至叻星

Many people probably haven't even heard of this movie before. And I don't blame them. Many people probably have seen this movie like 34543 million times because it comes up on their TVB programming 34543 million times, every Chinese New Years. And people probably just watch it in the background as they feast with their families or play mahjong or eat dumplings. I've seen it 34543 million times times 4. I just bought it on DVD last summer before I went off to college. 

Currently in my DVD player: Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Zak and Miri 

(Yeah, I have a multi-disc DVD player, be jealous! Actually no, I don't, I'm not a baller, I just have 3 DVD players. ><)

Currently on my blog list: Grey's Anatomy Season 5 Finale, Saw Series, Relationship and Age and 17 Again

(correction: I WILL NOT do a schpeal about that Zac Effron movie, though I love love love Matthew Perry. I might just post a blog about how stupid the movie seems and I'd never watch it, but I WILL NEVER DO A REVIEW!!)

I LOVE Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Star! It's completely retarded, but it was very cleverly written with joke after joke after joke! It's the epitome of classic HK comedy. They just don't make movies like they used to.. ><

Starring 陳百祥，袁靑見靑見 (Sorry, I can't find the character for her name in my version of chinese input ><), 鐘麗緹，Michael Wong, and many many famous guest cameo stars. My favorite is probably 吳鎮宇, his role as the main antagonist on Earth. Freaking hilarious. 

I think it's a really simplistic movie with a few simplistic cutesy themes, and that's enough to sell me.

TTLS is about a windfall god that came down to Earth because his "lover" (just another hot chick he has the hots for) has been banished to Earth because she was dating another "god". Who happens to be an angel, an envoy sent to Chinese Heaven by Jesus. St. Michael. haha So he just picked up his ass and left his cushy job as a god, with magic and longevity and fans to risk losing his job forever and being a mortal (oh no!) FOR A GIRL!? Who does that shit?! Well, I didn't graduate high school early for a girl. Or did I? I don't remember, little 5 happened. ;D

Turns out either Superman can fly into the heavens, or he's a god. I'd prefer the former, he's a bad ass, but doesn't have the creds to be wandering around with Choi Sun, Yuk Wong Dai Dei, Yi Long Sun, Sou Xing Gong and the like. 

Okay, so since this is a LGBT (remember kids, L comes first!) blog, I might as well interject some LGBT shit into this movie. hehe. 

So Nak (the windfall god) is on Earth, and he has to get his goddess, who's now a regular human (but was a porn star), Christie, to say those three magical words that every person fear ("abra cada bra!" or "mali mali hom!") so he can take her back to heaven with him.  

(„noʎ ǝʌoן ı„ : ʎןןɐnʇɔɐ sı ɹǝʍsuɐ ʇɔǝɹɹoɔ ǝɥʇ)

Of course she's gonna be a ho about it. But it's not her fault, Nak never explained the premise of the deal about being a goddess and the power and the longevity and fans and shit of the like. If he did, shit, I'd take it runaway from Earth and my 全城最受歡迎男歌手：城城 (City's most popular male singer: Xeng Xeng) boyfriend. I can pick up all the other hot goddess chicks and have hot goddess sex all of eternity. ;D

Well, so Matchmaker God, Yuet Lo, gave Nak a pill that one would eat and fall deeply in love with Nak. Guess who didn't eat the pill? Guess who did? Yup, Xeng Xeng did. 

So we have a gay boy in this movie now. We have a potential gay-lationship ready to blossom! Yeah, but Nak is too much in love with Christie. Or whatever. 

There's this very funny scene where Christie asks Xeng if he wants Nak or her. Those hos, don't know you how to share? Geez. Well, he wants Nak so Christie leaves. Wait, he wants Christie. Xeng wants both!! Oh no! What should he do!? "How about you leave? That'll make things uncomplicated," Nak interjects during a supposed "private" conversation. 

Well, Xeng doesn't leave. He stays. It's such a typical HK movie where the main characters are the only ones with remotely good acting skillz and everyone else is reading dialogue. Christie was probably only employed for this movie because she's a sexy beast. Michael actually did a pretty convincing job as a gay boy who's in love with Nak. Beautiful (who's original name was Liza, when she was dating Cup Noodle [羅家英]) was seriously an okay actress, her expressions were over exaggerated, but that's what this movie sought. Also, there are so many little puns in this movie that you'd only understand if you are a die-hard TVB fan. (in which I have the membership card for ;D)

But this gay relationship wasn't criticized or denounced. It was simply an easy way to poke at Michael Wong. So it was laugh track. At least there's exposure. But it was done in a crude way in which it stereotyped gay men as feminine and clingy. At least there's exposure. 

It was an adequate storyline though. It would have been just a funny if it was some random ugly chick (如花）that ate the pill (typically that's how the movies run). But they didn't want to use too many actors or actresses, they already spent a shitton on the cameos! So it was Mikey that was the lover. 

And if you watched realllllllllllllly carefully, at the end scene when (blank) won the Gambling King contest, Xeng hugged Mr. Wu (out of happiness or saddness? Watch it to find out!) and gave him a peck on the cheek, Mr. Wu checked Xeng out. It was super funny and super cute. He deserves to be an Oscar-equivalent winner. hehehe.  

Okay, gay enough for you?

Well, so other theme in this movie is about finding love in the most unexpected places. If I say anymore, it's gonna be spoiled. SO... SPOILER ALERT! Don't scroll down if you wanna see this classic badass yourself!!

I warned you.

Okay?

So of course Nak ends up with Beautiful. She was just his "guiding light" to find Christie at first, but more developed. Of course. Clliiicchheee. 

But while you're so desperately looking for the girl that you find the most attractive, you happen to neglect the people around you. You shouldn't do that! It's programmed into our DNA to "value sex and devalue friends", but when shit happens, who are you gonna be crawling to in the middle of the night? 

And turns out, this friend of Nak's happened to be the girl of his dreams! Yey for happy ending! But even then, Christie is held hostage by Mr. Wu (loosely translate: pretty kwen), Nak still holds up his end of the task to save a girl that hated him, despised him, wanted nothing to do with him. It's life. There's always gonna be those dudes out there, why bother? let them live their life, and you happily with yours. 

This is a really funny ass movie with cutesy little jokes everywhere. I can probably quote half this movie... Please check it out, let me know if I'm retarded or not (more like YES.) 

Nak got a group of cops to dance with him (What's good to eat about a Driver's license? If you wanna eat, you should eat an ID!)