Musing... because I don't want to do my final.

In the summer of 2008, I was my friend's bridesmaid. She got married after dating this guy in secret for about a year? I'm not quite sure. Well, I was extremely happy for her, except I know nothing about this guy, and my friend keeps pretty private to herself.

Anyways, the biggest shock to me was that she was marrying a guy who didn't speak Cantonese. My friend was born and raised in Hong Kong, though her parents are Fuzhounese* influence, her parents always spoke Cantonese to her.

*Fuzhounese people are people from the region of Fu Jian province that speak a specific dialect of Ming-language.

(We're like Part 3)

This guy, his parents was also Fuzhounese. But he got to the US when he was so young that he barely speaks it. If he were to speak to his parents, it would be mandarin.

By now, you guys probably came to the conclusion that since they were both living in the US, they probably spoke English. And you'd be right.

So pardon me here.

I grew up in a family in which my parents STRONGLY believed that both my brother and I should marry/date with those who are Fuzhounese. It's like how Jewish parents always insisted that their children marry Jewish. And how white parents insist that their children don't marry black.

So here's the tricky part: the only differentiation between a Fuzhounese person and a non-Fuzhounese Chinese is the language they speak.

It's not like there's a skin color difference. It's not like they dress differently. Fuzhounese people don't smell differently. They don't act differently... It's not like there's a "background" difference. (Fuzhounese people cannot be generalized to be strictly restaurant owners, though they are, but not always, my girlfriend proved to me that they are everywhere).

So here's the query: Why do my parents care so much about if my brother or I marry a Fuzhounese person??

Then I realized: they want to know the family that we're marrying. Then I thought about it again... Isn't this kinda incestuous that my parents want our gene pool to be super small?

ANYWAYS. Meanwhile back at the ranch:

The point I was getting to was that, ever since I was a child, I was conditioned to understand that you have to marry someone who speaks the same language as you. Right? This was what I understand based on my understanding of my parents and Fuzhounese people.

So when my friend got married to someone who didn't speak Cantonese... I was so distraught. I was so confused. You know what they say about lesbians; "If they're not the same height, they won't work out." And for me, it was like, "If they don't speak the same language, they won't work out."

Alright, so my friend getting married to a dude that didn't speak Cantonese was the BIGGEST rock every thrown in my schema. The bride's sister married a guy who spoke Cantonese, my brother's wife speaks Fuzhounese, my parents clearly spoke Fuzhounese*2...

*2 - Actually, come to think of my, my grandpa's second wife was definitely not a Fuzhounese speaker, because she spoke with an accent and people made fun of her. (sad).

There's a guy I know, *no names*, Fuzhounese, dated a girl who was Chinese-Malaysian. And, oh, believe me, his parents DID NOT have it. She spoke Mandarin and everything... I don't really understand that whole ordeal. It breaks my heart listening to his story...

Phew. So this is how it works back to how I am involved: following my parent's advice and my own vagina, I started dating my ex. Literally, the first thing that came to my mind was, "She speaks Fuzhounese as well... and she's not fugly... and I think she's kinda into me... I think this'll work out."

And every time I fought with her, the utmost important thing in my head was, "When will I ever find another girl who speaks Fuzhounese and gay!?" And I remained in that harmful and acidic relationship because... this is the best of worst. My parents would be okay with this just slightly more JUST because she's Fuzhounese. Just as they've always wanted.

But she wasn't what I wanted.

So when I got into a new relationship, with a person of a different ethnicity than mine, she also speaks a different native language. It was scary for me, knowing what I've known all my life.

With her ex being of the same ethnicity, I constantly feel like I have to "top" or be better, or stronger, or faster, or stronger than her ex. And I always felt like she had an "one up" because I always thought language was such a special and powerful bond.

*STRESS*

Tonight, I sat down, and thought about all of this... and honestly, love is pervasive beyond languages.

There are couples that came together from different religious background, political leanings, and cultures as well. What stops them from loving each other? Probably their parents, but really, nothing else.

Black Swan, Grey Goose.

BlaahhhH! Can you believe it? Another blog post about a movie that only some people watched, and less people liked!

Of course, this is the Intranet.

Holy shit, read up on Black Swan since like August. I was all up in her shit. As soon as I heard about it on afterellen.com (most visited next to Facebook and Twitter on my browser), I was too excited to see this movie. Why? Because Natalie Portman in The Other Boylen Girl was bitchy and I like bitchy.

Two girls that make my pants feel funny.

Natalie Portman was also in V for Vendetta! A heavily motif-ed movie about government. I love politics.

Mmm... Bald... So little girls can pull it off

Regardless of how annoying and whiney and creepy Evey is in V for Vendetta, the rest of the movie was fantastic! The story about the lesbian in the post-totalitarian UK was important, but felt out of place. I thought that turn in the movie was meaningful, but done wrong. Also goes back to how "lesbians are murdered off in Hollywood, because the rest of the world should feel sorry about them" theme. Whatever.

Well, I wish I was good enough at programming that I can write a button on this page to lead you (reader) to the reading of Black Swan that you want to read about. I got the feminist manifesto (i.e. the straight world of Hollywood hates Lesbians and wish we would die) and the fun version (where I'm optimistic and tell you about all the things I liked and disliked about this movie).

You're getting both. Close your eyes and scroll allllll the way down if you want to ignore the feminist manifesto part. (As part of my degree requires, I have to be a dick (pun) to all directors in Hollywood regarding lesbian storylines).

Okay! So here it goes... Manifesto!

I'll try to leak the least I can.

Mainstream Hollywood hates all Lesbians! We should all die! Nina (Nat. Port. [Yes, I'm that lazy]) dances in a ballet company in New York. She wants to be perfect. Of course, no ballerina is satisfied with being "mediocre". I mean, it's like a kid writing on their 3rd grade essay, "When I grow up, I want to be an amateur athlete." NO! We want to be Pro-Olympic-quality Athletes!

So there's an opening for the new Swan Queen because Beth (Wino. Ryd. [you figure it out yourself]) has been asked to step down as the Dancing Queen. Oh, of course it's not that simple, there's also a new chick. From San Diego. Hot. How hot? Hot as Meg from Family Guy.

No kidding! That hot!

Yeah, but it's kinda not Meg, it's Lily, played by Mil. Kuni. [Insert Dramatic Music]

So shit goes down, and there's a shit show. Typically what happens when women are at each other's throats.

Hollywood hates lesbians because any woman-on-woman action is concluded with death, betrayal, insanity, or all of the above. Guess which one Black Swan is?

Okay, this ends my manifesto. YOU CAN START READING NOW!

So I don't want to give much of the story away, but something I'd like to address: Nina and her mom's relationship.

When I was told that "nothing is an accident" in movies in my T206 class? I scoffed. Then after, every single movie I watched, there was a motif for something else in the movie. It was just a coin-key-dink. Whatevs.

***~~SPOILER ALERT~~***

So the director and writer wrote this movie so blatantly that Nina's (I'd say 22 years old?) room is a princess fairy-tale-land, living in her mom's apartment. As a fail ballerina, her mom wanted Nina to be mediocre like she was. (The mom was knocked up and quit dancing because I guess somehow pregger ballerinas are frowned upon :() My, my, I wonder if I can use cruder language to describe such high-brow art. Nope.

When Nina's mother not wake Nina up for her big day because Nina flipped shit on her mom the night before? Mom actually just didn't want Nina to be something she couldn't have. Mom can't stand Nina to be out of her control and soar high.

You'll understand this once you watched the movie. So I LIED ABOUT SPOILER!

Let's move on to the sex between Nina and Lily! Yeah... ***~~SPOILER ALERT~~***

It didn't happen. Well, at least in real life. Nina tripped on, what I think is coke or X, and wanted to embody the Black Swan so so so so badly that she wanted to fuck "the Black Swan".

Not gonna lie though, SUPER hot scene. My goodness, that clip leaked on the 'net so I can just talk about it! The black bra and panties Lily wore which symbolized Black and the white undies and bra Nina wore? Duh. But seeing two gorgeous women on screen tearing each other apart... priceless.

My favorite quote from the movie, "You had a crazy lesbo-sex fantasy about me?! How was I!?"

You know, I'd be asking the same thing if Natalie Portman came up to me and told me she had a sex dream about me. Or any girl, for that matter. :P

Okay, so the actual review...

I thought it was fantastic! The movie was JUST dark enough that I didn't have to rip my hair out. And all the cast was veryyyy good at what they did, and the director did a killer job showcasing them (ahem, Inception). Though I thought Mila Kunis's character was casted wrong. No, no, no, fellow lesbians, don't pick up the pitchfork yet! She was suupper sexy and fitted the bill with the "bad girl look". Both men and women look for that quality in a woman, don't lie. But I feel like someone else could've just as well filled the role.

I thought about casting Keira Knightly as the Black Swan, but I feel like a lot of our interational (even domestic) viewers would get suuuuper confused because Keira and Nat look so similar!

Challenge of the week: Which one is Nat?

Keira with a tan. How about that for compromise?

Fucking shit, I can't find a pic.... :(

To wrap things up...

Black Swan was a delightful watch, I'd go out and by the DVDs just because Nat. is so phenomenal in it. It's very nicely done because sexuality is key in this movie, but Aronofsky didn't trash it up! Good job, buddy.

The sound was great, the score was beautifully written with Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake integrated. A familiar sound with a beautiful modern twist. Too bad it dropped out of Oscar nods because it's too... "un-original" bullshit.

Beware now, readers...

Check yourself of Swan bumps before you dance next time.

Sincerely,

Lisa

Lesbian (Sub)Culture

So I'm super intrigued by culture. I love to teach and learn about different cultures and how people live their lives. Most cultures are born out of necessity and separated by geography. But I've recently been noticing a culture that is separated by geography, born of necessity, but all are of the same premise. Confusing? Yeah, I know, but let me try to explain myself. I will be using bullet points because that makes me sound more asshole-y and less stupid.

• Lesbian Culture is born out of necessity. Even though every member of the Lesbian community look different, smell different, and have no seemingly linear connection, they have on thing in common: Isolation. I'm not going to speak for all, but me personally, when I was a young confused little Midwest Asian girl growing up in the midwest (duh), I didn't have role models to look up to. I didn't have other gay ladies around me to help me feel included. Thank god for all the teen girl-on-girl-action flicks like But I'm a Cheerleader, D.E.B.S, Imagine Me and You, and most importantly, The L Word.
  Aside from these "role models," I swore to myself that there isn't another lesbian out there other then myself. Let alone anyone who would be interested in me. I wasn't the cutest little lesbian on the market.

Hi, 14 y/o Lisa Yang. Thanks.

When I went off to college, (god, I wish I had a pic to show everyone, but I'm sure you can find one on my Facebook easily) I had the hopes and aspiration that I will show up, and ladies would line up at my doorstep (Well, again, Facebook pics...). Except, may nights spent in my dorm room without a girl in my arms and wondering where are the cute lesbian (geez, at least curious) girls were.

• This sort of lesbian culture is born out of necessity because one party or more feels like the girl she's with right now is gonna be the only girl EVER for her. Like she's waited too long for a gay girl to come along that the next one may be another ten years down the line.
• It's very interesting because gay girls from different backgrounds all had or have had this phenomenon. It's a connecting factor in the Lesbian community.

I'm sure many lesbians out there were/are like me, looking for THE girl. Sometimes, the first girl you're with... you can't get rid of. Either because there's a sort of weird connection that even though she's a complete bitch; you can't seem to get yourself to get rid of her. I've heard of extremely long-distance relationships that only made sense to the people in it. And so frequently one party has to give up a lot to even maintain this relationship.

Heterosexual relationships are not as... "desperate" because the next guy you see can be "the" guy. Just as much as the guy you're currently with is.

I once had a conversation with a straight guy once about how, "Any one can be your 'one', because you have to be willing to be the right person for her." I completely agree. I can make any girl fall in love with me. I'm not being arrogant. If I want this relationship to work out, I can be sacrifice anything to make her happy. Granted, I may not be happy; but at least she's in love with me! :D

I find it kinda depressing that girls can't just think for themselves sometimes and see that there are plenty of good fish out there, without going overseas... or sacrificing themselves.

Welps, who am I to talk? I hope everyone have a great holidays and great winter break... I'll try to post more.

You Might Be a Lesbian If...

Alright, blogosphere, I know there's many many many many lists out there that says "You Might Be a Lesbian If...", but this one, I'm gonna tell you now, is not much more accurate, just more of a fun read. ;)

Enjoy.

• This is absolutely cliche; but if you're reading this post, you're more likely that you're questioning yourself. And if you're even questioning yourself, then you're probably a lesbian. Or at least bi, stop kidding yourself. ;) I'm sure Econ or Pysch or English is INCREDIBLY interesting, but I'm sure that's not the reason why you can't take your eyes off your teacher/professor.
• Lesbians have incredible strength. I'm not even kidding, almost every one I know can pick up a cinderblock and drop it on her own toes. Like my little cousin, I know it's not saying much, but she can probably out arm-wrestle any emo boy. C'mon girls, it takes a lot of throw a softball. That's just such a bad stereotype! My lovable roommate constantly reminds me that it's so not true, but those butch girls are so cute! Also, us lesbians are also the lazier of the bunch, we like to carry in all our groceries in one run, which also develops our biceps to mutant status.
• If your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a lesbian.

Above: Lesbian hand

I honestly still holds that 80% true to heart. All the "straight" girls I've met had longer index fingers, all bi girls I've met had completely even lengthed ring fingers. But I've also met about 5-6 straight girls with longer ring fingers. So, 80%. But if you're left handed, this theory is nullified.

There is actual scientific proof that sustains this theory, actually. According some college some where, when in the uterus, the fetus that receives larger amounts of testosterone develops the ring finger more, thus making it longer. More testosterone means more masculinity, which one may include attraction to females.

I don't know. I guess it's not a theory, since it's not a proven fact... it's a decent hypothesis at most. Take it with a grain of salt. The only real way to determine a woman's orientation by her fingers is if they are inside of you. Sorry for the vulgarity, but it's so true. (credits to a certain aE reader ;))

• Heard this on the L Word: When you were a child, did you prefer a monkey or a horse as a pet? If you answered monkey, our team is more suited for your liking. But I also know a gal who happens to be a big fan of horses, but she is a bigger fan of girls (or so she tells us). There's always exceptions to every one of these little lesbians markers, but we've been speculating the validity of her work visa to play for our team for a while now... Hmm...
• Finger nails. So I was talking a good friend of mine from high school, and somehow we got to the topic of... ob/gyn. And something about some acrylic nails and 33 stitches and 2 lesbians. Put that together yourself, I'm not suggesting anything. But yeah, so lesbians must have short nails. Which is understandable.

So this random hour, on this random day, my roommate (yes, JUST roommate) and I decided, we need to educate ourselves, because the $8000000000 we pay in tuition isn't doing us much of any favor. We went out and got a Hustler. Yes. Porno mag. Love it. And in the centerfold, we found: Bleached blonde chick, silicon boobs with a Grande Canyon between them, and acrylic nails. Guess where those acrylic nails went? 33 stitches.

Hypothesis 1: Those lesbians were ruff-riders

Hypothesis 2: The girl in the magazine is just posing, and not... much... action?

Regardless, it's always been a classic sign to tell if this hottie is swinger her bat for your team if her nails are short.

• Lesbians are good with computers. Personally, I don't wanna brag, but I know my way around a computer quite nicely, as I know words like: USB, SD Card, Memory Stick (Pro Duo), DDR (nope, not the arcade game), RAM, Flash (not the kind at Mardi Gras), PC, Mac and the like. Like even numbskull Jenny from the L word apparently knows how to jailbreak an iPhone so she can use it as a video camera! Tina knew enough to cyber with a dude, Alice knows how to upload podcasts, and Max/Moira works at a computer place! Nuff said? Hot cast beats bad writing anyday.

I know this is quite short, but I lost my notes for this post... let me know if I left anything major out ;)

peace out!

p.s. Remember! great piece of salt when reading ANY of my posts. ;)

Saving Face: Don't mistake it for Private Ryan

I know this is wayyy overdue. I've just been an lazy ass, I'm so sorry! But here, today, on another wonderful mindless day off, I'm "reviewing" Saving Face. 

I know, there's so many topics on my to-do list, but I was watching an episode of "Retro Viewing" from afterellen, which can be found here, and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie. 

Okay, I know I say that about ALL movies I blog about, but for realz, this is the shit. I've literally watched it 20830958 times. Not that I am counting. ha. 

Ahemmm! So here we go.

Here above is Wil, protagonist, Ma, and Jay (the dude) sitting around watching olllllddd ass Chinese dramas on tv that I don't think any of them understands. 

Wil, played by the gorgorgorgorgorgeous Michelle Krusiec is a surgeon. She's actually a lesbian. Bam! Bet you didn't see that one coming! Whhatt? She's Asian, and she's a surgeon (thanks Alice Wu [the director] for that stereotype reminder) there's no way she's a lesbian! She's waiting for her Asian prince charming on a white horse to arrive and sweep her off her feet! (Wait, that's every lesbian. You know, they just haven't met the "right guy") No. It's like that straightie ho haven't met the right girl to give her a woozy feeling inside every time she looks at her. And she's probably able to sweet the straightie ho off her feet too, you know how lesbians are incredible strong. (Which would make sense why I was always the one picked to arm wrestle dudes back in elementary school. ><  it all makes sense now...)

Okay, quick non-movie related interjection. This I don't understand: why do girls giggle?! I think I've might have made this comment before, but bear with me, I've been under the influence too many times for someone my size. ><

Like, hear me out! (this was deleted by blogspot, so I'm gonna have to reiterated as best as I can) I'm the kind of creeper that talks to everyone. Like whenever I'm buying something, waiting for something, I would strike up a conversation with someone to just create conversation. More likelier if she happens to be a really cute girl. ;) So I'm like paying for my Abercrombie, crack, pretzel, movie ticket, more crack, upper arm strengthening apparatus or like electronic device, I would always causally ask how the person was doing. And then also say something witty or whatever, just to make an impersonal transaction, more personal. And most of the time, I'm not even flirting. I'm just being the curious and chatty ol' me. But then the girl would GIGGLE! 

What's up with that?? 

I mean, I would understand if I was a cute hunky guy and eliciting these reactions, but rather, I'm like this short Asian chick who's honestly average. But they laugh at me! I understand some people laugh to fill awkward moments or something. (I mean, I do. But I always create the awkward moments, my skin is thicker than most leather jackets sitting on a motorcycle dyke.) Like I misinterpret that as flirting! And I always think that the lovely ladies want me, and I get their employee discount, but I'm just so taken off-guard by this "giggling" that I've already left the store before I processed it as "omg, maybe she's into me!" 

Ladies, tell me. Tell me! Tell me. Are these girls interested, or am I just a creeper who's overthinking things? (Puh-lease, I'm a lesbian, of course I'm overthinking things.)

(cough) Excuse me, back to Saving Face. 

So Wil is a surgeon. Yippee! Her life is going well, she's gonna be a baller soon, and she met this incredibly hot and graceful dancer chick that probably can wrap her legs around her own body. Twice. It's like every girl's dream, a yoga instructor, gymnast, or a dancer. mmmmm... ;D Played by the incredibly cute Lynn Chen, who looks just as incredibly much like Ah Sa (Charlene Choi) from Hong Kong pop idol/slutasticness Twins. I thought it was her in the movie when I first saw the posters. Don't get me wrong, I love Ah Sa, but I never have anything against sluts. 

Okay, whatever, I'm crazy. But no! certain shots of these girls look a lot alike! I promise! Yeah, I actually get that a lot, I think some girl reminds me of some chick, but honestly, nowhere near. Mmmhmm. Charlene is much cuter, and Lynn is much sexier. (sigh) I fail once again. And yes, that does look like a stalker pic of Charlene, only if I'm that stalker...

Anyways! But like any movie, things that goes well doesn't last for long. Of course not. There must be conflict to have resolution. And without either, you have no movie. Or a really shitty one. So one day, after a long day of surgeoning, Wil comes home to find a lost puppy outside her door. Except that lost puppy has a family-size pack of Charmin's big rolls with her. And that lost puppy is her mother. Turns out, her widow mama is preggers. That means, Wil can pick up chicks with her little brother/sister when she's 48 and her sister/brother is 18. (I've already done the calculations, when my little über cute niece is 18, and I'm 36, we can go clubbing and she can seduce little boys while I hit it home with her hottie friends who are "just so confused". ;D I'm horrible.

Well, no spoilers this time! So you'll have to watch the movie to find out what's going on, what happened, and how crazy does surgeon/dancer sex gets! But the review doesn't ends here, noooo... I still haven't put in my 3.43 cents worth yet!

What I liked about this movie:

I loved Saving Face super much, obviously, I've seen it so frick-frackin' many times. It has a really cute story. Really, it does. It doesn't take the lesbianism out of reality, as in no one cares that this hottie is banging that hottie. It actually puts lesbian back in its place of being nonchalant in the 21st century American community, but totally taboo in the daily reenactment of the 19th century Asian population. People would NEVER began to imagine someone as being gay, no matter how flamin' they are. Welcome to oblivion. 

It is a really good coming out movie to show your parents if you have the balls to do it. (which I really don't) And it's just a good, cuddle up with ice cream, it's raining-men-out-there-but-I-don't-care-days movie. Everytime I want to pop in a movie, but have no idea what to watch. I watch Saving Face. I've also written SO many papers on this movie, it's starting to get redundant. And also got A's on those papers too! My paper was so moving that my teacher actually watched it with her fiancé, and she was like, "it was an interesting watch". Yikes.

What I don't like about Saving Face: 

When I first encountered this movie, (which can be found at your local Blockbuster or YouTube [Product placement! pay up, hos]) I was like, 15. And didn't really have a taste or distaste for bad acting. So when I watched it after seeing "better" movies, and found this to be a really bad acted movie. I mean, given it's overall impact on me, its a really good movie, but the acting definitely needs work. 

But yeah, when you are bored, or just jonesing for some good ol' lesbian action, hit up Saving Face, I don't think you'd be disappointed. Hot chicks. Check. Asians. Check. Multilingualism. Check. Sex. Check. Hot Asian Chicks. Check. Hot Asian chicks having sex. Check. Hot Asian chicks speaking multiple languages while having sex. Um... yeah, this movie needs work.

As a first production from the Asian lesbian director Alice Wu, it's a gem.  

  

Had to repost... I really liked this post...

Okay, so I JUST had this conversation with my roommate about an hour and a half ago:

I don't like labels. 

Not because I'm cliché, or it's just something people say. I'm not edgy. Okay, I try to be edgy. But that's not because I want to "get" anywhere. I am who I am, and maybe my ideologies just happen to be a bit edgy to some people.

Lesbian.

(Isn't Dani from Tila the prime example of a "typical lesbian"? With her butchness and... "best of both worlds" bullshit. )

I hate that word. It is what it is, but it has such a bad ring to it. Usually when the word is uttered (when it actually is) you wanna run and hide. Shit! A lesbian! She's gonna wanna take you home and eat you! A lesbian, when I hear that term, is usually badly connoted. It's like, "shit! She's so ugly, she has to be a lesbian!" or "Damn, no wonder she's a lesbian, no man would want her!" or something disgusting like that. 

Can't it just be a term used to describe women who likes women, and leave it at that?

Bisexuals. 

I am personally biased when it comes to this term. I've had bad experiences with people of that sort.... but then, maybe others have too. I usually think of promiscuity. Like she's (or he) so horny that she'll (or he'll) eat up anyone! Bleh. Bleh. Bleeehhhh.. Maybe that's just me. I don't know. Take every thing I type with a large-cattle-sized grain of salt.

Straight.

I understand the concept. It's a regular term, is, it's used to describe "normal" people. You know, like mass murderers, rapists, and you know, everyone. But usually when I hear this, uttered at me, or some other poor gay, it's like, condescending. "I'm straight." Followed by a look. You know, maybe we're just friendly, and flirting is polite, no? It doesn't mean that you're gonna go our way, it's not like we think you're gonna fall in love with us as soon as you get to know us. (I'm sorry for speaking for all gays, I didn't mean that)

Maybe I've had my share of straight girls, and maybe I finally learned to move on. But when you guys come on to me.... huh huh huuuhhh. *annoying mocking laugh*

Femme and Butch. 



You see two people of the same sex together. So I'm kinda a tomboy, and hypothetically, if I had a girlfriend, would you say I'm the butch in the relationship? Insulting much? Don't put labels on us unless we chose to. ugh.

So basically, I hate labels because of the connotations. I mean, it is what it is, I understand that. But can we somehow use a new language or something that's not brutally raped by the media or our surroundings?

Maybe this is just the world we live in. 

Can't we love out of love? Is there a word for everything? 

Rantings over.

Remember, grain of salt.