Musing... because I don't want to do my final.

In the summer of 2008, I was my friend's bridesmaid. She got married after dating this guy in secret for about a year? I'm not quite sure. Well, I was extremely happy for her, except I know nothing about this guy, and my friend keeps pretty private to herself.

Anyways, the biggest shock to me was that she was marrying a guy who didn't speak Cantonese. My friend was born and raised in Hong Kong, though her parents are Fuzhounese* influence, her parents always spoke Cantonese to her.

*Fuzhounese people are people from the region of Fu Jian province that speak a specific dialect of Ming-language.

(We're like Part 3)

This guy, his parents was also Fuzhounese. But he got to the US when he was so young that he barely speaks it. If he were to speak to his parents, it would be mandarin.

By now, you guys probably came to the conclusion that since they were both living in the US, they probably spoke English. And you'd be right.

So pardon me here.

I grew up in a family in which my parents STRONGLY believed that both my brother and I should marry/date with those who are Fuzhounese. It's like how Jewish parents always insisted that their children marry Jewish. And how white parents insist that their children don't marry black.

So here's the tricky part: the only differentiation between a Fuzhounese person and a non-Fuzhounese Chinese is the language they speak.

It's not like there's a skin color difference. It's not like they dress differently. Fuzhounese people don't smell differently. They don't act differently... It's not like there's a "background" difference. (Fuzhounese people cannot be generalized to be strictly restaurant owners, though they are, but not always, my girlfriend proved to me that they are everywhere).

So here's the query: Why do my parents care so much about if my brother or I marry a Fuzhounese person??

Then I realized: they want to know the family that we're marrying. Then I thought about it again... Isn't this kinda incestuous that my parents want our gene pool to be super small?

ANYWAYS. Meanwhile back at the ranch:

The point I was getting to was that, ever since I was a child, I was conditioned to understand that you have to marry someone who speaks the same language as you. Right? This was what I understand based on my understanding of my parents and Fuzhounese people.

So when my friend got married to someone who didn't speak Cantonese... I was so distraught. I was so confused. You know what they say about lesbians; "If they're not the same height, they won't work out." And for me, it was like, "If they don't speak the same language, they won't work out."

Alright, so my friend getting married to a dude that didn't speak Cantonese was the BIGGEST rock every thrown in my schema. The bride's sister married a guy who spoke Cantonese, my brother's wife speaks Fuzhounese, my parents clearly spoke Fuzhounese*2...

*2 - Actually, come to think of my, my grandpa's second wife was definitely not a Fuzhounese speaker, because she spoke with an accent and people made fun of her. (sad).

There's a guy I know, *no names*, Fuzhounese, dated a girl who was Chinese-Malaysian. And, oh, believe me, his parents DID NOT have it. She spoke Mandarin and everything... I don't really understand that whole ordeal. It breaks my heart listening to his story...

Phew. So this is how it works back to how I am involved: following my parent's advice and my own vagina, I started dating my ex. Literally, the first thing that came to my mind was, "She speaks Fuzhounese as well... and she's not fugly... and I think she's kinda into me... I think this'll work out."

And every time I fought with her, the utmost important thing in my head was, "When will I ever find another girl who speaks Fuzhounese and gay!?" And I remained in that harmful and acidic relationship because... this is the best of worst. My parents would be okay with this just slightly more JUST because she's Fuzhounese. Just as they've always wanted.

But she wasn't what I wanted.

So when I got into a new relationship, with a person of a different ethnicity than mine, she also speaks a different native language. It was scary for me, knowing what I've known all my life.

With her ex being of the same ethnicity, I constantly feel like I have to "top" or be better, or stronger, or faster, or stronger than her ex. And I always felt like she had an "one up" because I always thought language was such a special and powerful bond.

*STRESS*

Tonight, I sat down, and thought about all of this... and honestly, love is pervasive beyond languages.

There are couples that came together from different religious background, political leanings, and cultures as well. What stops them from loving each other? Probably their parents, but really, nothing else.

Asian girls as an commodity.

I don't know why, but people frequently come up to me and ask, "can you hook me up with a hot Asian girl?"

And of course, my typical response is "wait in line". Just bc I scored myself a hot Asian doesn't mean everyone has what it takes to be me.

Mostly these people are friends and they are joking. (I hope). But it really worries me when they are strangers and acquaintances. What do I look like, an Asian pimp?!

So most recently, this chick added me on fb, and I'm trying to be as polite as possible, so I asked, "Do I know you?"

"No, but I'm looking for some gay Asian pussy and I'm from australia."

Yeah, because I am gay myself meaning I know ALL the gay Asian ladies. To be completely honest, the only Asian ladies that I know are conveniently the ones I've dated/been dating. Aside from them, they are the only gay ladies I know as well.

So I don't understand, what is it about Gaysians that everyone (including Asians) wants a piece of?

Of course, I proceeded to inform to miss australia that I am not an Asian pussy agency and unfriended her.

Don't get me wrong, I completely believe that having an attraction towards asians is the same way someone would be attracted towards girls with blonde hair, or blue eyes, or red hair. But anyone who solely seeks to date only one "kind" of women is... Creepy. I personally am an equal opportunity vendor. It's all about the chemistry.

So I understand that Asian women have an exotic look to them, raises great children, and is thought to be submissive.

Oh trust me, honey, I grew up with a Asian lady, and I can tell you right now that there's nothing submissive about my Asian mother. I turned out gay! How good of a mother can an Asian mother be if she raises a gay child! (please realize my tone of sarcasm) And exotic look? More like "all look the same"! When you drop your woman at the nail salon, you might just take the wrong one home!

I'm completely kidding.

Anywho, it is still quite unnerving for me to know that there are people out there who is actively seeking to date Asian girls.

I understand that people have their preferences and I shan't judge others sexual excursions, but please keep me out of it.

How much of a turn off would it be if I told my gf that the only reason why I'm dating her is bc she's Asian? She would punch me in the boob. I obviously date her bc she has an iPad 2.

Remember kids, I just act like a pimp, I'm actually not one. :/

Cheatos, anyone?

So the number one reason why people are in relationships is the sense of security, don't quote me on this. Most people want someone else to be there to share the joy and happiness in life. And the knowledge of that someone always being there gives a sense of security. I must say, there are people who take that "someone always being there" for granted and... you know, cheats.

The thing is, I'm not one to pass judgement on cheating, as I've been on all 3 sides of the argument (Cheater, cheatee, and the cheated).

• In my first relationship, I was young and inexperienced... I held onto someone for longer than I should have (a whole month). She inevitably found someone she didn't find as a noob, and conversationally better. I mean, I've shown you guys my 14 y/o pics... I was 16. An ugly duckling doesn't turn into a swan THAT fast. I deserved to be cheated on a dumped. The worst part is, I dropped the "L" bomb after she dumped me... hoping she would take me back. Whhhhhyyy?
• -Good: I learned to be a 'girlfriend'
• -bad: I got a speeding ticket going to see her.
• -ugly: the other girl(s) she cheated on me with

• In between my 1st and 2nd relationship, I was in between someone else's relationship. I'm not gonna elaborate upon this, but I was deservingly heart-broken. And I don't speak to either party anymore. :( But you know, if I learnt nothing, it should at least be that "don't be THAT girl". It's not worth it, and there's plenty-o-fish in the sea. (Pun intended) Honestly, at this point, I want my friendship back (that may just be the snarky me talking because I'm currently in an incredulously happy relationship). Nothing physical happened between us, but I felt an incredible emotional bond. I guess that depends on each person's dictionary as "cheating" or not.
• -Good: I was emotionally occupied for a while... preventing me from STDs (they were still called STD's back then) for good while.
• -Bad: Torn up my friendship with two wonderful people
• -Ugly: My own heart.

• So when I was in my previous relationship, I was the cheater. Twice. Of course it's heartbreaking for both parties. I felt ultimately the most guilty about things... until I didn't cared. And that's also when I broke off the relationship. This is when I learned to not date the same person twice (regardless of how much she or I begs). When I didn't care that I was hurting her, that's when I realized that I no longer want to be in this relationship, regardless of how many strings are attached. It was rough, I'm sure... and I am an asshole, for sure... but who was I hurting more to be in a relationship that I didn't care about anymore?
• -Good: We are both back in our lives where things are good for us.
• -Bad: Messy break up.
• -Ugly: things that were said to one another in the relationship.

I always felt like I had a little growth spurt with each heartbreak.

Now the point: Cheating. It's inevitable. It's always gonna be hard. And it's gonna happen to everyone. Let's just say there are 3 things in life that are unavoidable: Death, Taxes, and cheating.

I'm not saying that EVERY relationship is gonna end (or not end) in cheating, but it really will happen in one's life. I think it's part of growing up. And once you've experienced one, or all three, of the cheating phases, you're ready to fall in love for realsies.

Gather what you want out of this post, I guess I just wanted to share some of my personal cheating experience.

But what I'm gonna do is list a few things that I personally consider as cheating. *ahem, girlfriend* :P

• Kissing - unless you have a good ass reason, it's pretty hurtful (good reasons include, but not limited to: CPR, Tongue wrestling to settle an argument of who's tongue is stronger, or, "I've never kissed a guy/girl before! I wanted to know what it's like!"(please do NOT replace 'guy/girl' with pets)
• -BUT! these are bad excuses: "I've never kissed him/her before, I just wanted to know what it's like!", "I wanted to taste her new lip gloss!", or "She/he was tongue tied, I just wanted to help him/her out."
• Fucking - that's... yeah.
• Emotionally cheating - it hurts more than those two above combined. No, I'm not saying that as humans, we're not allowed to "like" other people/pillows while we're in a relationship. But to be in a relationship, you sign over all rights to romantically care for someone else. Sorry buddy, didn't you see that in the fine print?
• Oral sex - I don't know about you, but genitals touching someone's mouth is... intimate.
• Sexting - Oh please, don't tell me your thumbs were "bored". It takes emotions to sext. Unless you're a serial killer. Then you really shouldn't be dating him/her anyways.
• "Hanging out" - Okay, now don't look at me like I'm a lunatic. Hanging out is totally fine. Hanging out means you guys are gonna have a few beers, watch a movie, and talk. But "hanging out" means you guys are having wayyy too much to drink, watching porn, cuddling and "talking", is not cool.
• Which reminds me -- Cuddling - Is not cool unless: you're related, you're unrealistically older/younger than the cuddler, or the cuddler is a mythical creature (yetis, dragons, asians with large boobs, sphinxes, and etc)
• Grinding - What part of "no cuddling" do you not understand?? And NO, you can't go from grinding without cuddling. That'd be like tonguing without making out.

What do you think are somethings on your "cheating" list?

Shot Down # 3232

Alright, so being in the relationship business, being shot down is like trying the grapes at the grocery. It looks really good, you go for it, then realize it's sour than most lemons. But at least you know not to buy it. ;)

So today, on my day off, I went to Charlotte Rouge. You know to pick up some sexy-wear for my trip to NYC this weekend. ;D As I entered the store, this girl comes up to me to offer me assistance, like any place that employs good employees. Which I usually don't get offered help there, because I'm so asian and everything. So this assistance-offering was awkward for me. But also very welcomed. I was first put off because someone even offered to help, but 3.34 seconds later, I also noticed how cute the girl was. ;) She was short, blonde, and über sweet. My fave. 

So, holding my niece, I wandered the store a little bit. And she came back around to offer me shoe sizes. Another personal phenomenon for me. So I was sold by this girl.

Alright, eyeing her for a little bit, I finally got up the courage and said this to her: "I'll trade you her (my niece Anna) for your phone number."

Then she gave me something I use myself frequently: The awkward, "I'm not interested" laugh.

Oooh... yikes. 

It's okay though, it's not me, it's her. ;) At least I tried the grape even at the risk of someone coming up to me, and saying "That's stealing!!"

Age is Just A Number...?

So by request, there is an excellent topic that I wanna talk about: "How young is too young for me to date your skinny ass?" or "If I remember when the dinos became petroleum, is that too old for you to date me?" 

Like classic folks say, "Age is just a number". That's what cougars say when they want to bang some fresh meat. Or what gold diggers say when they need someone new to feed their habit. (I'm speaking of Abercrombie & Fitch, Luxury hand bags, luxury sunglasses, overpriced French food, and occasionally, crack.) I personally think there's a limit or restriction. 

We actually talked about that in my Gender Studies class last semester, and we concurred as a class that legal limits are set for a reason. A youngster under the age of 18 has a prematurely developed frontal lobe that prevents them from accurate make decision about anything. (I hate hate hate being stuck behind kids at the cereal aisle, they can't ever decide between Cinnamon Toast Crunch or French Toast Crunch. [or maybe it was just my dilemma since I'm the only one old enough to even remotely remember that they ever made a "French Toast Crunch". Greatest cereal ever. I swear])

Well, going back to the topic... 

I personally have no fucking idea how I feel about age and relationships. Like I, an 18 year-old, always have been crushing older women ever since I was aware of my gayness. But how old is too old? I like older women because they are more mature, and I can be my gay ass immature self with them and be justified because I am young. I also like to blame all my faults and immaturity on me being a kid. But no longer can I do that, right?

High schoolers bother me. I know, I need to get off my high horse because I should only be a high schooler, getting ready to graduate. But I feel like a year of college whipped me into shape. I know how to deal with people better, talk to people, and being myself and having a good ass time. High schoolers tend to hold on to things beyond their reach. (I guess it's just some people in general). But once you hit a stage in your life, you learn to let go of things that don't matter as much or can't help. Maybe it's all me. But I always had a hard time working with younger people, and preferred older people. 

As I hit a plateau of maturity, I am hoping that everyone is on the same page after... 18, 19? I mean, there is a significant difference between 15 year-old Lisa and 18 year-old Lisa. And I guess I'm just assuming that everyone else is the same. Assuming. I don't know for sure. Also I talked to someone a little bit ago, she was 14, 15ish, and I was 17, and we didn't click that well. I blamed it on the age, but it might just be because we're different people. 

See, I have no right writing about this, since I know nothing about this topic and I am sure as hell confused as everyone else is about it!

I mean, I wouldn't mind trying things out to see if it's the age or the person. I would conduct an experiment with controlled variables down to the very last hair on the back of someone's feet. Too bad that's impossible. 

I guess, in conclusion, the only thing that matters is if these two people are on the same page of their life. I think it's completely ridiculous to date someone right before they go off to college. College opens up a world of new experiences, and it would be completely unfair to have a long distance relationship that might "hinder" (I know it's not the best word for it) the ultimate college experience. It's also ridiculous to think that a high school relationship will last forever. According to my friends stats, they don't. People become on different pages of their lives, people change, it's a fact. 

It seems weird to me to date someone under the age of 18 that's MUCH younger than me. I would feel like a paedo. I mean, a 13-14 year-old would have nothing to offer me. More likely than not, they would not have a path set for themselves that they want to follow like I do. They are kids. I am not. I'm responsible. And that would also be illegal. I do enough illegal shit that that shouldn't be one of them. 

Anyone older than I would be okay, as long as they want the same things out of life as I. 

I don't know what else to ultimately say, other than this:

I guess age doesn't really matter as long as two people are open for discussion regarding what who wants out of a relationship. Make sure that portal is open, because life situations change. A lot.