hi, it's me again.

Good Day, Internet!

It's been a solid 8-9 years before my last post. I even tried to start a new blog in that time, abandoned that one too. I gave myself the excuse that I was too busy. Most likely just so dead inside that I couldn't get myself to commit 30 minutes a week to some thoughtful musings.

I've decided to reprise this blog, and not the other one that I started after I moved to NYC, because this is special. I've been working for the past 7 years and I wanted to contrast a whole bunch of things:

1) How I've evolved (and devolved) as a human/thinker/pop culture consumer.
2) How the internet has evolved (and devolved) in the past 7-8 years.
3) How media and representation has evolved/devolved in the past years. (hellloooooo reboots!)

Movie montage catch up of the last 7-8 years:

- Moved to NYC
- Got dumped
- Changed careers 2 times
- Fell in love

- Got a dog
- Got married

Enough about me, let's get back into it, like the good ol' days.

How the Internet has changed in the past 7-8 years.

Media on the internet has consolidated.

In the early 2010s, media companies saw the value of niche publications on the internet and decided that they wanted a piece of that dollar pie. Websites like AfterEllen was something I visited more frequently than FaceBook.

You could google "LGBTQ Representation in _________" and only see a handful of results (hopefully this blog too!) Nowadays... you'd find blogs, Facebook rants, Instagram posts, tweets, for nearly every topic and every angle of the topic.

How has media and representation has evolved/devolved in the past years.

There was a women's movement in the 90s. 

Something happened in the 2000s and people forgot that women are people too.

In 2019, we have laws in Alabama and Georgia to remind us that women aren't 100% safe. So we're doing this women's movement again in 2019.

This is why it's important that we continue to remind people that we can't be complacent. 

This is why media need to continue to represent women in strong, independent roles. Social media is now a huge part of your everyday media. 

What does this all mean?

So why am I interested in contributing to over-information?

I have too much time, okay?

No. With the convergence of how we consume media and what the internet has available, more than ever, we need to be mindful about what information is presented to us. We are all entitled to our beliefs. Which means, we should be very picky about what we should consider as truth.

I've gotten too much time on my hands, and I hope to be an extra voice in the universe in interpreting 'truth'.

Musing... because I don't want to do my final.

In the summer of 2008, I was my friend's bridesmaid. She got married after dating this guy in secret for about a year? I'm not quite sure. Well, I was extremely happy for her, except I know nothing about this guy, and my friend keeps pretty private to herself.

Anyways, the biggest shock to me was that she was marrying a guy who didn't speak Cantonese. My friend was born and raised in Hong Kong, though her parents are Fuzhounese* influence, her parents always spoke Cantonese to her.

*Fuzhounese people are people from the region of Fu Jian province that speak a specific dialect of Ming-language.

(We're like Part 3)

This guy, his parents was also Fuzhounese. But he got to the US when he was so young that he barely speaks it. If he were to speak to his parents, it would be mandarin.

By now, you guys probably came to the conclusion that since they were both living in the US, they probably spoke English. And you'd be right.

So pardon me here.

I grew up in a family in which my parents STRONGLY believed that both my brother and I should marry/date with those who are Fuzhounese. It's like how Jewish parents always insisted that their children marry Jewish. And how white parents insist that their children don't marry black.

So here's the tricky part: the only differentiation between a Fuzhounese person and a non-Fuzhounese Chinese is the language they speak.

It's not like there's a skin color difference. It's not like they dress differently. Fuzhounese people don't smell differently. They don't act differently... It's not like there's a "background" difference. (Fuzhounese people cannot be generalized to be strictly restaurant owners, though they are, but not always, my girlfriend proved to me that they are everywhere).

So here's the query: Why do my parents care so much about if my brother or I marry a Fuzhounese person??

Then I realized: they want to know the family that we're marrying. Then I thought about it again... Isn't this kinda incestuous that my parents want our gene pool to be super small?

ANYWAYS. Meanwhile back at the ranch:

The point I was getting to was that, ever since I was a child, I was conditioned to understand that you have to marry someone who speaks the same language as you. Right? This was what I understand based on my understanding of my parents and Fuzhounese people.

So when my friend got married to someone who didn't speak Cantonese... I was so distraught. I was so confused. You know what they say about lesbians; "If they're not the same height, they won't work out." And for me, it was like, "If they don't speak the same language, they won't work out."

Alright, so my friend getting married to a dude that didn't speak Cantonese was the BIGGEST rock every thrown in my schema. The bride's sister married a guy who spoke Cantonese, my brother's wife speaks Fuzhounese, my parents clearly spoke Fuzhounese*2...

*2 - Actually, come to think of my, my grandpa's second wife was definitely not a Fuzhounese speaker, because she spoke with an accent and people made fun of her. (sad).

There's a guy I know, *no names*, Fuzhounese, dated a girl who was Chinese-Malaysian. And, oh, believe me, his parents DID NOT have it. She spoke Mandarin and everything... I don't really understand that whole ordeal. It breaks my heart listening to his story...

Phew. So this is how it works back to how I am involved: following my parent's advice and my own vagina, I started dating my ex. Literally, the first thing that came to my mind was, "She speaks Fuzhounese as well... and she's not fugly... and I think she's kinda into me... I think this'll work out."

And every time I fought with her, the utmost important thing in my head was, "When will I ever find another girl who speaks Fuzhounese and gay!?" And I remained in that harmful and acidic relationship because... this is the best of worst. My parents would be okay with this just slightly more JUST because she's Fuzhounese. Just as they've always wanted.

But she wasn't what I wanted.

So when I got into a new relationship, with a person of a different ethnicity than mine, she also speaks a different native language. It was scary for me, knowing what I've known all my life.

With her ex being of the same ethnicity, I constantly feel like I have to "top" or be better, or stronger, or faster, or stronger than her ex. And I always felt like she had an "one up" because I always thought language was such a special and powerful bond.

*STRESS*

Tonight, I sat down, and thought about all of this... and honestly, love is pervasive beyond languages.

There are couples that came together from different religious background, political leanings, and cultures as well. What stops them from loving each other? Probably their parents, but really, nothing else.

DRAG ME DOWN. If you dare.

To show what I've actually accomplished in the 3 months that I've been "pretty busy", I have a short documentary for you guys. No, I haven't been dicking around or been having too much sex or spending every waking moment being mushy and lovey-dovey. I've been doing "work" and taking "classes".

This is what I call -- Drag Me Down.

I know, I know, the title sounds SUPER negative, but I think it's empowering. I feel it's a "What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" effect. Drag me down, but I get back up. Na mean? Also, "drag" as in "dress"... "Dress me down". Drag me down.

Okay, maybe it only makes sense to me.

here it is!

Well, lemme know what you think about, be completely honest, that's the only way we can grow~~ :D

Okay, this doc only took like 2 weeks to complete... so WHAT have I been doing for the rest of 2.5 months that I've been hibernating? Maybe you guys were right about me dicking around, having too much sex, and being mushy. :P

TAKE ACTION! I did.

Sooooo... I'm catching up on my gay news for the first time in, literally, 3 months. What have I been doing in the past 3 months, you ask?

Madly in love.

Cheesy? Indeed. I'm not too worried, I probably lost all my followers anyways... >< So I guess I'll have to pick up new ones. PLEZ FOLLOW ME!

Okay, so I was up on AfterEllen, and I found a few things:

First, a brief review of a lesbian mafia short film that was actually done by a dood that goes to IU with me. I haven't watched it yet, but it's about 11 minutes long. I'm waiting to watch it with my girl.

Second, I stumbled upon this petition to Florida Family. Yeah, I did laugh a little at the ridiculousness of this "default" letter, so I'm writing modified version to send to "this company".

It is very inspiring that your company would knowingly advertise during a television show that condones and promotes transgender lifestyles to an audience that is almost exclusively watched by young teens and children.

MTV is airing through their Teen Nick channel for kids episodes of the show called DeGrassi which affirms and promotes the transgender lifestyle to an audience of millions of young teens and children.

The Chasing Pavements II episode of DeGrassi contains graphic intimate relations between the female to male transgender character Adam and bi-sexual, lesbian character Fiona. In one scene Fiona kisses Adam, pulls up Adam’s shirt and rubs her hand slightly above Adam’s groin. Click here to see clips from this episode and numerous clips from other episodes showing Adam and Fiona kissing. I'm not gonna lie, the video is quite cheesy, and made by amateur fans of the show, it shows a pretty sweet montage of the moments Adam and Fiona shares during the show.

The My Body is a Cage I and II episodes of DeGrassi contains Adam’s official announcement that she is a male trapped in a female body. How powerful is this message to teens who could possibly be struggling with their own sexuality! Many teens and young children may have similar sentiments that they now have the vocabulary to express.

You would think by the number of episodes that MTV devotes to including the relationship between a female to male transgender high school student and a bi-sexual lesbian student that such relationships are a common occurrence in America’s high schools.

The odds of this bizarre relationship occurring in high schools are extremely rare. Yet, MTV feeds into the needs of educating the leaders of tomorrow with tolerance and acceptance of people with different gender identifications.

MTV airs a free promo for PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) on DeGrassi which directs kids to an organization that will encourage our youth to embrace a different sexual identity that may stay with them for life.

Please continue to advertise on this forward-moving, educational show.

Here is where I sent my revised letter to... seems like a lot of important people.

Thats all for today! Thanks for reading!!!

Let's be Natural.

Today's a shitty day. But I'm not gonna let the circumstances get to me. Today's gonna be a good day. Despite the rain.

So I'm sitting there in G310, everything flying over my head, but there's one thing that caught my attention: "swimming is natural."

What the fuck dropped on your head?

"Swimming is natural"???? Yeah, I can seep in waters for hours without pruning up, or have the natural mechanisms such as webbed-feet or flippers to facilitate the act of "moving in water". Most importantly, I HAVE LUNGS.

I was awoken from my rainy-day slumber by that comment so I decided to follow up on what was actually partaking in class.

Turns out, we were talking about techniques of movement by the body. How men walk a certain way, while women are expected to conform to a certain gait. Or even how men throws balls, contrasted with a woman with a softball.

One student argued that repeated motions make the body conform. Like how we don't squat. But if we did, our legs would be formed a certain way to show that we squatted. Due to the stress we put on our legs. Western civilization created "chairs" that position our body a certain way that we have no need to squat. And the lack of squatting creates "straight legs".

So this go back to my initial outrage: nature.

It's "natural" to sit and let your body rest. It's "natural" how people walk.

Hmm?

The number one thing that Lisa Yang gets harassed about is her gait. Look, I have a medium arch on my feet, if I walk "normally" for too long, my feet would hurt. I have calluses on the sides of my big toes because of my medium-arch. I roll my feet in when I travel long distances because that's how my feet carries me.

To me, that's completely natural. I don't wear "special shoes" or inserts (though I really should) to help my feet adjust to the weight of my body on it all day.But here's the paradox: I walk like a dude.

I make a conscious effort to walk to a human being by "nature's standards", meaning I don't walk on my knees or hands or any other part of my body; other than my feet. I use my feet to carry myself places I want to go. My feet aren't perfect, but they "conform to societal norms". But that's NOT good enough! Because of how my feet is built, I walk a certain way, naturally (for me at least). But since the way I walk is comfortable for me, but deemed masculine by others, therefore, I am judged.

But again, this is the world we live in where processed foods cost 1/10th of "natural, organic" foods.

Also we live in a world where women spent HOURS everyday caking on make-up to appear an "artificial beauty" that is acclaimed by the general public! Men spent hours trying to create an image of, "I am scruffy and haven't showered in 3 days. Sexy."

Now, my readers know how I feel about 'feminism' so this is not about 2nd or 3rd wave anything. This is about being "natural".

"Natural" is a loaded word. There is no standard set of anything. Don't get me started on gay equality and "naturality".

If I was "meant" to be any certain way, created by a Greater Power, I wouldn't be the societal outcast with my "deformities". I embrace my gait, my feet, my body, my mind, my there-lack-of-soul.

It's quite ironic how "organic" is equated to "different" or "special" when it's supposed to be "natural".

Lesbian (Sub)Culture

So I'm super intrigued by culture. I love to teach and learn about different cultures and how people live their lives. Most cultures are born out of necessity and separated by geography. But I've recently been noticing a culture that is separated by geography, born of necessity, but all are of the same premise. Confusing? Yeah, I know, but let me try to explain myself. I will be using bullet points because that makes me sound more asshole-y and less stupid.

• Lesbian Culture is born out of necessity. Even though every member of the Lesbian community look different, smell different, and have no seemingly linear connection, they have on thing in common: Isolation. I'm not going to speak for all, but me personally, when I was a young confused little Midwest Asian girl growing up in the midwest (duh), I didn't have role models to look up to. I didn't have other gay ladies around me to help me feel included. Thank god for all the teen girl-on-girl-action flicks like But I'm a Cheerleader, D.E.B.S, Imagine Me and You, and most importantly, The L Word.
  Aside from these "role models," I swore to myself that there isn't another lesbian out there other then myself. Let alone anyone who would be interested in me. I wasn't the cutest little lesbian on the market.

Hi, 14 y/o Lisa Yang. Thanks.

When I went off to college, (god, I wish I had a pic to show everyone, but I'm sure you can find one on my Facebook easily) I had the hopes and aspiration that I will show up, and ladies would line up at my doorstep (Well, again, Facebook pics...). Except, may nights spent in my dorm room without a girl in my arms and wondering where are the cute lesbian (geez, at least curious) girls were.

• This sort of lesbian culture is born out of necessity because one party or more feels like the girl she's with right now is gonna be the only girl EVER for her. Like she's waited too long for a gay girl to come along that the next one may be another ten years down the line.
• It's very interesting because gay girls from different backgrounds all had or have had this phenomenon. It's a connecting factor in the Lesbian community.

I'm sure many lesbians out there were/are like me, looking for THE girl. Sometimes, the first girl you're with... you can't get rid of. Either because there's a sort of weird connection that even though she's a complete bitch; you can't seem to get yourself to get rid of her. I've heard of extremely long-distance relationships that only made sense to the people in it. And so frequently one party has to give up a lot to even maintain this relationship.

Heterosexual relationships are not as... "desperate" because the next guy you see can be "the" guy. Just as much as the guy you're currently with is.

I once had a conversation with a straight guy once about how, "Any one can be your 'one', because you have to be willing to be the right person for her." I completely agree. I can make any girl fall in love with me. I'm not being arrogant. If I want this relationship to work out, I can be sacrifice anything to make her happy. Granted, I may not be happy; but at least she's in love with me! :D

I find it kinda depressing that girls can't just think for themselves sometimes and see that there are plenty of good fish out there, without going overseas... or sacrificing themselves.

Welps, who am I to talk? I hope everyone have a great holidays and great winter break... I'll try to post more.

Boys who Don't Look Like Boys: To 5 Androgynous Men Who Won Over Many (too many) Asian Girls

My last post from eons ago regarding Girls Who Don't Look Like Girls had a pretty good response, and I promised a post regard Dudes who look like chicks, and here it is.

The same story: these guys are very cute and attractive, have millions of little girl fans everywhere swooning over them. Amazing ass hair and being scrawny ass and tall are their trademarks. So another sociological phenomenon: why do Asian girls love them?

I think this world is constantly searching for an equilibrium. When you open a can of pop, you hear the Tssk, and all the carbon dioxide in that can escapes to equalize with the air around it. Because the air we breathe has a much small concentration of carbon dioxide is in the can.

People are equilibrating. Instead of finding a man like the one on the Brawny paper towels, we float towards someone like Mr. Clean. Brawny man is all beard, lives in the woods, and chops trees. Mr. Clean has some sort of mystique about him that his shiny head is not telling us. He's "built" like the "brawny" men, but that earring and that look in his eyes say otherwise. In his hourglass shaped body, almost, to me, seems like, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, and moms".

Am I insinuating that Mr. Clean is paired with Mr. Really Clean? I'm not bold enough to put my foot down.

Essentially, we're looking for an equilibrium. To indulge in the "gayness" in everyone, these Asian girls choose to fan someone who isn't the classic "Brawny man" and still fit into the social norms of "being straight".

Because of how our social system is set up, either originates from the bible of the West, or what westernization has done to the East, the social normative is a man and a woman = couple. When that norm is taken down, or non-exposed to someone, he or she decides who to feel an attraction for. There is no such thing as a clean slate. As soon as a child is born, he or she is given a name. That name connotes more than just a label, identity, or gender. For example, sorry if any one out there with this name, but I'm just pulling this out of my ass. The name Joanne Rodriguez: What do assumptions do you immediately made?

Personally, I would gather that she is a female, potentially of hispanic or latino descent. The name Joanne is not a very "latino name", per se. So I would make assumptions regarding that her parents don't necessarily live in any latino countries. But I can be completely wrong.

Assume. Make and ass out of U and Me. Stereotypes are bad. Yes. But without stereotypes, how can we understand anything in this world? When you are stopped at a traffic light, you see a red light, and you learned it means stop. And the green means go. You learned it. Congratulations. If you didn't, please don't drive when I'm on the road, I'll post my driving schedule later.

So else where, you see the two colors again, instructing you to do something. Anything. And you see red. Stereotypically, you would assume that you should stop.

You're watching a movie. A person is killing people. Or the guy the story most is about. You make assumptions that the killer is the antagonist in this movie. Because stereotypically, that's what antagonists do.

I'm saying stereotyping is bad. But like every skill in life, know when to start or stop the use of it.

I ramble wayyyy too much. I need to get back on topic.

So, at equilibrium, we get these dudes that basically look like girls. Excuse me that my media circle is not very large, so I'll just resort to men of Taiwan's cinema. If you have other suggestions of men who look like girls, feel free to throw them at me. Except... don't actually "throw" them at me, I have a girlfriend. :)

5. Mike He 賀軍翔 -- He's really popular in Asian. That's all I can say about him, I don't really pay much attention to these pretty boys (sorry!). But I guess he's less "girly" than these other guys, but he's still very pretty. I mean his bone structure is more masculine, but still. Very pretty. Too pretty.

4. 唐禹哲 -- This dude is very pretty. I wouldn't say he particularly look a lot like a chick, but... he looks like a rice queen. Okay, he really doesn't, but I'm personally biased towards him because of my woman think he's so hot and shit. If she's dating me, and thinks he's hot... how manly can he be?

3. 汪東城 -- Seriously? I've seen girls who are wayyy more manly than him. In this pic, he kinda looks like Denise Ho. Except prettier. He's in a boy "band" (they don't play anything but with each other's hairs) called Fahrenheit and is the "brother band" of my fave, S.H.E. except they just look pretty.

2. 林志穎 -- He's been around for so long... *sigh* I remember watching him on TV when I was 5. And now he still looks like this means he was even more fem back in the days. He's so pretty. Like there's an actor dude out there that once said if he was a girl, he would so jump on Lin. Because... he looks like a girl. If he tells me he's straight, I'll tell you I like cock. (sorry for the vulgarity)

1. 吳尊 -- The first time I saw him, I thought he was the prettiest guy ever. My heart skipped a beat. He's so so so so so cute! But also means he look super much like a girl. His features are just so delicate. This may not be the best picture, but seriously. Very. fem.

The list above is just my personal opinion, I realize there are a lot of fans (including my girlfriend) of those celebrities, and please don't take offense. I've seen even more girlier boys, but never had the chance to catch their names. Not that I really care, for that matter. But just think about how what does this trend of loving girly men means for Asian girls.