Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Boys who Don't Look Like Boys: To 5 Androgynous Men Who Won Over Many (too many) Asian Girls

My last post from eons ago regarding Girls Who Don't Look Like Girls had a pretty good response, and I promised a post regard Dudes who look like chicks, and here it is.

The same story: these guys are very cute and attractive, have millions of little girl fans everywhere swooning over them. Amazing ass hair and being scrawny ass and tall are their trademarks. So another sociological phenomenon: why do Asian girls love them?

I think this world is constantly searching for an equilibrium. When you open a can of pop, you hear the Tssk, and all the carbon dioxide in that can escapes to equalize with the air around it. Because the air we breathe has a much small concentration of carbon dioxide is in the can.

People are equilibrating. Instead of finding a man like the one on the Brawny paper towels, we float towards someone like Mr. Clean. Brawny man is all beard, lives in the woods, and chops trees. Mr. Clean has some sort of mystique about him that his shiny head is not telling us. He's "built" like the "brawny" men, but that earring and that look in his eyes say otherwise. In his hourglass shaped body, almost, to me, seems like, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, and moms".

Am I insinuating that Mr. Clean is paired with Mr. Really Clean? I'm not bold enough to put my foot down.

Essentially, we're looking for an equilibrium. To indulge in the "gayness" in everyone, these Asian girls choose to fan someone who isn't the classic "Brawny man" and still fit into the social norms of "being straight".

Because of how our social system is set up, either originates from the bible of the West, or what westernization has done to the East, the social normative is a man and a woman = couple. When that norm is taken down, or non-exposed to someone, he or she decides who to feel an attraction for. There is no such thing as a clean slate. As soon as a child is born, he or she is given a name. That name connotes more than just a label, identity, or gender. For example, sorry if any one out there with this name, but I'm just pulling this out of my ass. The name Joanne Rodriguez: What do assumptions do you immediately made?

Personally, I would gather that she is a female, potentially of hispanic or latino descent. The name Joanne is not a very "latino name", per se. So I would make assumptions regarding that her parents don't necessarily live in any latino countries. But I can be completely wrong.

Assume. Make and ass out of U and Me. Stereotypes are bad. Yes. But without stereotypes, how can we understand anything in this world? When you are stopped at a traffic light, you see a red light, and you learned it means stop. And the green means go. You learned it. Congratulations. If you didn't, please don't drive when I'm on the road, I'll post my driving schedule later.

So else where, you see the two colors again, instructing you to do something. Anything. And you see red. Stereotypically, you would assume that you should stop.

You're watching a movie. A person is killing people. Or the guy the story most is about. You make assumptions that the killer is the antagonist in this movie. Because stereotypically, that's what antagonists do.

I'm saying stereotyping is bad. But like every skill in life, know when to start or stop the use of it.

I ramble wayyyy too much. I need to get back on topic.

So, at equilibrium, we get these dudes that basically look like girls. Excuse me that my media circle is not very large, so I'll just resort to men of Taiwan's cinema. If you have other suggestions of men who look like girls, feel free to throw them at me. Except... don't actually "throw" them at me, I have a girlfriend. :)

5. Mike He 賀軍翔 -- He's really popular in Asian. That's all I can say about him, I don't really pay much attention to these pretty boys (sorry!). But I guess he's less "girly" than these other guys, but he's still very pretty. I mean his bone structure is more masculine, but still. Very pretty. Too pretty.

4. 唐禹哲 -- This dude is very pretty. I wouldn't say he particularly look a lot like a chick, but... he looks like a rice queen. Okay, he really doesn't, but I'm personally biased towards him because of my woman think he's so hot and shit. If she's dating me, and thinks he's hot... how manly can he be?

3. 汪東城 -- Seriously? I've seen girls who are wayyy more manly than him. In this pic, he kinda looks like Denise Ho. Except prettier. He's in a boy "band" (they don't play anything but with each other's hairs) called Fahrenheit and is the "brother band" of my fave, S.H.E. except they just look pretty.

2. 林志穎 -- He's been around for so long... *sigh* I remember watching him on TV when I was 5. And now he still looks like this means he was even more fem back in the days. He's so pretty. Like there's an actor dude out there that once said if he was a girl, he would so jump on Lin. Because... he looks like a girl. If he tells me he's straight, I'll tell you I like cock. (sorry for the vulgarity)

1. 吳尊 -- The first time I saw him, I thought he was the prettiest guy ever. My heart skipped a beat. He's so so so so so cute! But also means he look super much like a girl. His features are just so delicate. This may not be the best picture, but seriously. Very. fem.

The list above is just my personal opinion, I realize there are a lot of fans (including my girlfriend) of those celebrities, and please don't take offense. I've seen even more girlier boys, but never had the chance to catch their names. Not that I really care, for that matter. But just think about how what does this trend of loving girly men means for Asian girls.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Yahoo! News Can "simulate fellatio"

So I like to get my news while sitting in class. Okay, I'm posting a blog while I should be learning about chemical digestion in organisms. So I'm not the best student.

Recently, I've been trying to get back in touch with the world. Maybe reading about someone else's misery will make my own life seem more minute and careless.

I love controversy. I love gossip. So I love celebrity news. Sometimes.

Today, 11/24/09, I am sitting here in Ruesink's L112 Biology lecture, I got distracted and went to Yahoo! News on the home page. I read a little something last night about Adam Lambert's "racy performance" and how it was censored for the west coast. I mean, I'm sure they'd censor the performance for the whole country, but it was live, so they can only prevent the west coast from his reign of terror.

See, generally, when I see censorship on TV, I'm extra curious what's going on behind there. I mean, it's like Playboy; people like it because it leaves something to the imagination. I've seen porn out there that's actually censored, and I guess some people like that. But like on The Office, where they actually censor for comedic effects, it's because they are using the ridiculousness as humor. There's things they can't show or say on TV, thus they abuse their position by censoring, and you laugh. More.

So some kid on the west coast is watching the AMAs, and is hoping one of these days he'll be on that stage, except without a drug problem (we would hope). Then Adam Lambert's part is up, and instead of watching another performer on stage, interpreting their music, he see a chunk of mosaic block on TV. If he haven't heard the news, he would be super curious what happened there. So, like any teen these days, hops onto his computer, googles or Yahoo! searches "Adam Lambert censored". Bam! Over a million search results come up, and more likely then not, 75% of those links involve actual fellatio or analingus. How he's tainted and his computer has 203948032 viruses. Thanks for fucking up everything.

Like Adam Lambert said, it is really crass to edit to someone's performance. Music is all about entertainment and expression. Isn't it? Like Lambert said, his music is not for everyone. His show is not for everyone. If people want to watch the AMAs, they would turn to that channel. If Adam Lambert is not what someone wants to see perform, change the channel. If you stumble upon a porn channel, you don't wanna watch it? Change the channel.

Performers are there to entertain. People can choose not to watch. It's that simple. It's simply insulting to censor someone's art. Georgia O'Keefe would be pissed if someone "censored" her paintings and actually make it look like a flower. If you don't want to go to her gallery, then don't.

My judgements towards Yahoo! News are the fact that they would post something like that on their homepage and word the headline as "Lambert on AMA fallout". His performance was not a "fallout", what they did with his show was. As a reader, you would be intrigued or sympathetic by the headline. But sympathy is not what he wants. He's out and he's proud. His show is not a fallout.

Another bone I want to pick with Yahoo! News ("other then the one in my pants" - from Juno) is that, when you click on Lambert's story, there's "related news" scattered through out article. As related news, you can see pictures of other "Gay and Lesbian Hollywood Stars". It's somewhat insulting that gays and lesbians are set aside as a slide show. It's demonstrating that we ("society") still see people based on sexual orientation. Would Hollywood even exist without the plethora of overzealous gay people?

Absolutely not.

If there was a slide show called "Black People of Hollywood", it would simply derogatory. But sadly I would see Yahoo! News posting something like that. How about "White People of Hollywood"? It would just seems redundant. How about "Jews of Hollywood"? "Scientology of Hollywood"?

Exposure? Yes.

Blatant discrimination? Yes.

I mean, what is Yahoo! trying to say? Check out all these faggots and dykes in Hollywood. Look out. Or is it more of a "let's celebrate these people who make this place possible"?

Your decision. Let me know what you think.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Dyke, Dyke, Dyke, Dyke... FAGGOT!

I'm taking precious study time out to write a blog. Not really. Just procrastinating, of all things.

So today, I sat in on a lecture of my Amy's. (MY AMY ;)) This lecture was taught by Dr. Susan Stryker, my Gender Studies professor, whom I have great respect for, in the sense that she is very knowledgeable and highly intelligent. She seems to be a very easy-going person whilst making an impact in our LGBT community. If I got to know her, on a personal level, I might actually make her a personal hero of mine, but I haven't gotten to that level yet.

So back to sitting in lecture.

I was there to kill some time, also to learn about "Gender Identity and the Body". Well, I noticed a dramatic difference when she's in this 100-level class lecture, and also in my 200-level class discussion and lecture. She feels pretty comfortable to talk about many things in either classes, but there is far less discussion from the audience in this 100-level lecture. Though I understand the impersonality of a grand lecture hall, it seems these students aren't as willing to participate as well.

As I was exiting the classroom, I was walking in front of some girl. She was seemingly annoyed by the Professor, as she was making ignorant comments such as "Oh, she's a transgender and she has a partner..." I was quite offended by her statement, and just announced, "Well, why don't you just drop the class then, if you're not feeling comfortable in it." It wasn't directed at anyone, necessarily, but it was quite obvious why I said that. So she began to recover by saying, "Well, I guess if she used to be a man, then it works for her."

Pssht. Noob freshmen. Or maybe just hos in general. As a sophomore, I came back to much familiarity, but also more ignorance. In my Chemistry lecture, this girl was making annoyance comments regarding the material she was being taught. There were 200 people in that lecture hall who were there to learn. Honestly, of the 200, not many people are gonna eat that stuff up like candy, including myself. But we're all there for a reason, to fulfill our requirement, or to advance our understanding of the microscopic world. If you dont' like what is being presented to you, there is no knife at your neck. Please exit, there are people who are trying to get into this class. Thank you.

Back to Professor Stryker.

I think it's very impressive of her that she's out and comfortable with her sexuality like she is. There are many straight people out there who aren't as comfortable with themselves. Being gay or transgendered is ostracized by our narrow society, but instead of hiding the shadows of this marginalizing world, she's here to make a difference. She's here and she's queer.

I, Lisa Yang, personally don't quite think my orientation matters as much to my life as my person as a whole. I don't care about making everyone I encounter aware of my status as a lesbian, but rather, I care to let them know that I'm a passionate person who will get the job done right.

I'm not sure about Professor Stryker's starting point regarding her "outness", but she's only hoping to better this world.

So here, my kudos to you, Professor Stryker.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Batman's SuperPower

People have problems with Batman. Some say he's not a real superhero. Some say he's the real super super hero because he doesn't have any "super powers".

But No. I would like to disagree. I believe Batman as superpowers, thus, he is a superhero.

Superman has superhuman strength, ability to fly, and bullet proof.

Flash has super human speed.

Aquaman is fish.

Spiderman has spider DNA interfused into his human DNA.

All the different X-Men are mutants.

Wonderwoman hates men.

Welp. Batman has super powers. His super power is his superhuman ability to make money. He is a baller, which helps him buy all his gadgets and machines. Without money, he cannot make a titanium-bat blood-infused pimp ride.

By that logic, Bill Gates also has superhuman powers.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

You Might Be a Lesbian If...

Alright, blogosphere, I know there's many many many many lists out there that says "You Might Be a Lesbian If...", but this one, I'm gonna tell you now, is not much more accurate, just more of a fun read. ;)


  • This is absolutely cliche; but if you're reading this post, you're more likely that you're questioning yourself. And if you're even questioning yourself, then you're probably a lesbian. Or at least bi, stop kidding yourself. ;) I'm sure Econ or Pysch or English is INCREDIBLY interesting, but I'm sure that's not the reason why you can't take your eyes off your teacher/professor.
  • Lesbians have incredible strength. I'm not even kidding, almost every one I know can pick up a cinderblock and drop it on her own toes. Like my little cousin, I know it's not saying much, but she can probably out arm-wrestle any emo boy. C'mon girls, it takes a lot of throw a softball. That's just such a bad stereotype! My lovable roommate constantly reminds me that it's so not true, but those butch girls are so cute! Also, us lesbians are also the lazier of the bunch, we like to carry in all our groceries in one run, which also develops our biceps to mutant status.
  • If your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a lesbian.
Above: Lesbian hand

I honestly still holds that 80% true to heart. All the "straight" girls I've met had longer index fingers, all bi girls I've met had completely even lengthed ring fingers. But I've also met about 5-6 straight girls with longer ring fingers. So, 80%. But if you're left handed, this theory is nullified.

There is actual scientific proof that sustains this theory, actually. According some college some where, when in the uterus, the fetus that receives larger amounts of testosterone develops the ring finger more, thus making it longer. More testosterone means more masculinity, which one may include attraction to females.

I don't know. I guess it's not a theory, since it's not a proven fact... it's a decent hypothesis at most. Take it with a grain of salt. The only real way to determine a woman's orientation by her fingers is if they are inside of you. Sorry for the vulgarity, but it's so true. (credits to a certain aE reader ;))

  • Heard this on the L Word: When you were a child, did you prefer a monkey or a horse as a pet? If you answered monkey, our team is more suited for your liking. But I also know a gal who happens to be a big fan of horses, but she is a bigger fan of girls (or so she tells us). There's always exceptions to every one of these little lesbians markers, but we've been speculating the validity of her work visa to play for our team for a while now... Hmm...
  • Finger nails. So I was talking a good friend of mine from high school, and somehow we got to the topic of... ob/gyn. And something about some acrylic nails and 33 stitches and 2 lesbians. Put that together yourself, I'm not suggesting anything. But yeah, so lesbians must have short nails. Which is understandable.
So this random hour, on this random day, my roommate (yes, JUST roommate) and I decided, we need to educate ourselves, because the $8000000000 we pay in tuition isn't doing us much of any favor. We went out and got a Hustler. Yes. Porno mag. Love it. And in the centerfold, we found: Bleached blonde chick, silicon boobs with a Grande Canyon between them, and acrylic nails. Guess where those acrylic nails went? 33 stitches.

Hypothesis 1: Those lesbians were ruff-riders
Hypothesis 2: The girl in the magazine is just posing, and not... much... action?
Regardless, it's always been a classic sign to tell if this hottie is swinger her bat for your team if her nails are short.

  • Lesbians are good with computers. Personally, I don't wanna brag, but I know my way around a computer quite nicely, as I know words like: USB, SD Card, Memory Stick (Pro Duo), DDR (nope, not the arcade game), RAM, Flash (not the kind at Mardi Gras), PC, Mac and the like. Like even numbskull Jenny from the L word apparently knows how to jailbreak an iPhone so she can use it as a video camera! Tina knew enough to cyber with a dude, Alice knows how to upload podcasts, and Max/Moira works at a computer place! Nuff said? Hot cast beats bad writing anyday.

I know this is quite short, but I lost my notes for this post... let me know if I left anything major out ;)

peace out!

p.s. Remember! great piece of salt when reading ANY of my posts. ;)

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Big Pimped in the NYC

Hello, ladies. 

The liveblog I promised: I realized it's a complete bore to force you all (3) to put up with my journey to the great east, thus, I'll just highlight some of my favorite parts. 

I went to see Chicago on Broadway, and I would highly recommend it if you haven't seen a broadway show before. Aha, I'll do a short compare and contrast with the musical and the 2005 Academy-award-winning-gorgeous-ladies-studded movie. 


Not going to lie, the main reason I chose Chicago over the plethora of other Broadway shows is because of a sweet lady by the name of Chandra Wilson. Miss Wilson stars on popular prime time show Grey's Anatomy as Dr. Miranda "The Nazi" Bailey. I absolutely adore her. She's a small, ambitious, no-nonsense perfectionist pediatric surgeon. Beast. 

Funny story: so I'm a woman, thus I have to pee like 40 times a day. So do other women. The line outside the Women's restrooms in the Big Apple are as long as the lines for rides at Disney World. But unlike the rides at Disney World, I have to get in. I'm determined. As I'm standing in line, formulating how awesome it is to relieve the pressure on my bladder is going to be, I see this little woman stumble out of restroom. OMG! Chandra Wilson! I was gonna jump out of line and run after her for a photograph, but then... I'd lose my spot. So I let that opportunity slip, besides, she turned out to be the cleaning lady anyways. (nothing derogatory intended) 

But the cool thing was, this girl was tall and lanky in front of me, she had her hood up, and I was being a little bitch, and was thinking thoughts like: "wow, does she think she's Halle Barry or something?" It's not because it's her, it's because I think of that for any person who's trying to be inconspicuous. Well, I got back to my 2nd row seat, and saw her sat down in the front row, with her family. I'm absolutely convinced that she's Chandra Wilson's daugther, Serena. (I think that's her name. I really should do my research before making claims.

Well, I did take some pictures, but I don't want to seem like a complete stalker. Or a criminal for taking pictures at a Broadway show. So I'm gonna upload, but I had no intentions of copyright infringement, I'm just a really really big fan. All copyrights belong to the Chicago and Co. (just to be on the safe side ;) The usher actually did threaten to take away my new camera if I don't stop taking pictures! The Horrors!)

Well, back to the comparison. 

Roxy - 

Broadway (Played by Bonnie Langford): She was... incredibly immature. She wanted fame, and it doesn't matter how she got it. Which was completely on par with the script. Roxy was supposed to be this girl who wanted to make it famous so badly, she would sleep with anyone. It was exaggerated, it was over the line, it was appropriate.  

Movie (Played by Renee Zellweger): Renee gave me this vibe of innocence. I've never seen anything else done by her, but I have seen clips of Bridget Jones, which gave me this faux-naiveness about her. Her portrayal didn't scream slut or prima donna to me, it just seemed out of character. My favorite Roxy part has to be the ventriloquist. And to the list of "Bitch-moves by women", topping it has to be the pregnancy off of Chicago.  It was beautiful. It was perfect. 


Broadway (Played by Arma-Faye Wright): She most definitely has the shazzam of a jazz singer, her performance was incredible, in the sense of a live show. Her face looked of an mid-30s if not 40s woman, but her body moved with the music that 20 year-olds cannot possible manage. (okay, I don't know shit about dance, so I may be completely off). She was really good. Her acting, though, wasn't as great. She didn't send off the "deserving prima donna" vibe. She was the main dish of this show because she could sing and dance incredibly well. This is comparing to Catherine Zeta-Jones. 

Movie (Played by Catherine Zeta-Jones): I've also haven't (consciously) seen anything done by Catherine, but I was sold. Her bob-hair cut and her bitchiness radiated from her bones. She was perfect for the part. Her dancing would probably be just as good if I were to see her live, but her disadvantage is that film reel. During the song, "Acts of Desperation", the dance and acting skillz of Catherine was noticeably better. My favorite Velma part is the Cell-Block Tango, it was clever and very well performed by both the live and studio production. 

Ignore the dude's head 

Broadway: It was a wow factor of 10. It was incredible to see these people sing and dance so eloquently and can be goofy when necessary. Everything was perfect. If I were to have seen the Broadway production first, it would have probably be ranked as one of the top experiences ever (yes, even better than Niagara Falls. Much better). I realize the lack of props available and all the limiting circumstances of a stage musical, and I still found it amazing. I'm seriously a big fan of plays. From high school to Broadway. All the people work really hard in it to put together something entertaining for people to talk about. I love the energy.

Movie: I love movies. All the possibilities and all the crazy things you can do. Love it all. The director of Chicago did an awesome job putting things together. My favorite difference from the movie and Broadway show are the transitions and integrations between the storyline and music. 

If you haven't checked out either, I greatly recommend it. Seriously. Check it out, yo!

Up Next! Signs you might be a lesbian! I know there's a lot of those out there... but this one's from Lisa ;)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Wait! Wait! Attention Please!

Due to technical difficulties, (and slight laziness), the liveblog is not going on as planned. >< I sincerely apologize, but I'll get everything back up and pictures uploaded ASAP. 

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Heads up! 7 up!

Just letting you readers out there know... (I know there's like 3 of you, but still) 

This coming weekend, this blogger will be in NYC, and from there, there will be a live-blog for the events that occur. And by live blog I mean I'm gonna update all the occurrences that day, with photos, instead of when I come back, get off my lazy ass and then blog. I'm gonna let all you know what happens in my extremely personal life. muhahahaha. heh. I know you guys don't care, but throw me a bone! I'll talk about the logistics of an Asian wedding, and how much I'm against it. Sound good?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Shot Down # 3232

Alright, so being in the relationship business, being shot down is like trying the grapes at the grocery. It looks really good, you go for it, then realize it's sour than most lemons. But at least you know not to buy it. ;)

So today, on my day off, I went to Charlotte Rouge. You know to pick up some sexy-wear for my trip to NYC this weekend. ;D As I entered the store, this girl comes up to me to offer me assistance, like any place that employs good employees. Which I usually don't get offered help there, because I'm so asian and everything. So this assistance-offering was awkward for me. But also very welcomed. I was first put off because someone even offered to help, but 3.34 seconds later, I also noticed how cute the girl was. ;) She was short, blonde, and über sweet. My fave. 

So, holding my niece, I wandered the store a little bit. And she came back around to offer me shoe sizes. Another personal phenomenon for me. So I was sold by this girl.

Alright, eyeing her for a little bit, I finally got up the courage and said this to her: "I'll trade you her (my niece Anna) for your phone number."

Then she gave me something I use myself frequently: The awkward, "I'm not interested" laugh.

Oooh... yikes. 

It's okay though, it's not me, it's her. ;) At least I tried the grape even at the risk of someone coming up to me, and saying "That's stealing!!"

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Saving Face: Don't mistake it for Private Ryan

I know this is wayyy overdue. I've just been an lazy ass, I'm so sorry! But here, today, on another wonderful mindless day off, I'm "reviewing" Saving Face. 

I know, there's so many topics on my to-do list, but I was watching an episode of "Retro Viewing" from afterellen, which can be found here, and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie. 

Okay, I know I say that about ALL movies I blog about, but for realz, this is the shit. I've literally watched it 20830958 times. Not that I am counting. ha. 

Ahemmm! So here we go.

Here above is Wil, protagonist, Ma, and Jay (the dude) sitting around watching olllllddd ass Chinese dramas on tv that I don't think any of them understands. 

Wil, played by the gorgorgorgorgorgeous Michelle Krusiec is a surgeon. She's actually a lesbian. Bam! Bet you didn't see that one coming! Whhatt? She's Asian, and she's a surgeon (thanks Alice Wu [the director] for that stereotype reminder) there's no way she's a lesbian! She's waiting for her Asian prince charming on a white horse to arrive and sweep her off her feet! (Wait, that's every lesbian. You know, they just haven't met the "right guy") No. It's like that straightie ho haven't met the right girl to give her a woozy feeling inside every time she looks at her. And she's probably able to sweet the straightie ho off her feet too, you know how lesbians are incredible strong. (Which would make sense why I was always the one picked to arm wrestle dudes back in elementary school. ><  it all makes sense now...)

Okay, quick non-movie related interjection. This I don't understand: why do girls giggle?! I think I've might have made this comment before, but bear with me, I've been under the influence too many times for someone my size. ><

Like, hear me out! (this was deleted by blogspot, so I'm gonna have to reiterated as best as I can) I'm the kind of creeper that talks to everyone. Like whenever I'm buying something, waiting for something, I would strike up a conversation with someone to just create conversation. More likelier if she happens to be a really cute girl. ;) So I'm like paying for my Abercrombie, crack, pretzel, movie ticket, more crack, upper arm strengthening apparatus or like electronic device, I would always causally ask how the person was doing. And then also say something witty or whatever, just to make an impersonal transaction, more personal. And most of the time, I'm not even flirting. I'm just being the curious and chatty ol' me. But then the girl would GIGGLE! 

What's up with that?? 

I mean, I would understand if I was a cute hunky guy and eliciting these reactions, but rather, I'm like this short Asian chick who's honestly average. But they laugh at me! I understand some people laugh to fill awkward moments or something. (I mean, I do. But I always create the awkward moments, my skin is thicker than most leather jackets sitting on a motorcycle dyke.) Like I misinterpret that as flirting! And I always think that the lovely ladies want me, and I get their employee discount, but I'm just so taken off-guard by this "giggling" that I've already left the store before I processed it as "omg, maybe she's into me!" 

Ladies, tell me. Tell me! Tell me. Are these girls interested, or am I just a creeper who's overthinking things? (Puh-lease, I'm a lesbian, of course I'm overthinking things.)

(cough) Excuse me, back to Saving Face. 

So Wil is a surgeon. Yippee! Her life is going well, she's gonna be a baller soon, and she met this incredibly hot and graceful dancer chick that probably can wrap her legs around her own body. Twice. It's like every girl's dream, a yoga instructor, gymnast, or a dancer. mmmmm... ;D Played by the incredibly cute Lynn Chen, who looks just as incredibly much like Ah Sa (Charlene Choi) from Hong Kong pop idol/slutasticness Twins. I thought it was her in the movie when I first saw the posters. Don't get me wrong, I love Ah Sa, but I never have anything against sluts. 

Okay, whatever, I'm crazy. But no! certain shots of these girls look a lot alike! I promise! Yeah, I actually get that a lot, I think some girl reminds me of some chick, but honestly, nowhere near. Mmmhmm. Charlene is much cuter, and Lynn is much sexier. (sigh) I fail once again. And yes, that does look like a stalker pic of Charlene, only if I'm that stalker...

Anyways! But like any movie, things that goes well doesn't last for long. Of course not. There must be conflict to have resolution. And without either, you have no movie. Or a really shitty one. So one day, after a long day of surgeoning, Wil comes home to find a lost puppy outside her door. Except that lost puppy has a family-size pack of Charmin's big rolls with her. And that lost puppy is her mother. Turns out, her widow mama is preggers. That means, Wil can pick up chicks with her little brother/sister when she's 48 and her sister/brother is 18. (I've already done the calculations, when my little über cute niece is 18, and I'm 36, we can go clubbing and she can seduce little boys while I hit it home with her hottie friends who are "just so confused". ;D I'm horrible.

Well, no spoilers this time! So you'll have to watch the movie to find out what's going on, what happened, and how crazy does surgeon/dancer sex gets! But the review doesn't ends here, noooo... I still haven't put in my 3.43 cents worth yet!

What I liked about this movie:
I loved Saving Face super much, obviously, I've seen it so frick-frackin' many times. It has a really cute story. Really, it does. It doesn't take the lesbianism out of reality, as in no one cares that this hottie is banging that hottie. It actually puts lesbian back in its place of being nonchalant in the 21st century American community, but totally taboo in the daily reenactment of the 19th century Asian population. People would NEVER began to imagine someone as being gay, no matter how flamin' they are. Welcome to oblivion. 

It is a really good coming out movie to show your parents if you have the balls to do it. (which I really don't) And it's just a good, cuddle up with ice cream, it's raining-men-out-there-but-I-don't-care-days movie. Everytime I want to pop in a movie, but have no idea what to watch. I watch Saving Face. I've also written SO many papers on this movie, it's starting to get redundant. And also got A's on those papers too! My paper was so moving that my teacher actually watched it with her fiancé, and she was like, "it was an interesting watch". Yikes.

What I don't like about Saving Face
When I first encountered this movie, (which can be found at your local Blockbuster or YouTube [Product placement! pay up, hos]) I was like, 15. And didn't really have a taste or distaste for bad acting. So when I watched it after seeing "better" movies, and found this to be a really bad acted movie. I mean, given it's overall impact on me, its a really good movie, but the acting definitely needs work. 

But yeah, when you are bored, or just jonesing for some good ol' lesbian action, hit up Saving Face, I don't think you'd be disappointed. Hot chicks. Check. Asians. Check. Multilingualism. Check. Sex. Check. Hot Asian Chicks. Check. Hot Asian chicks having sex. Check. Hot Asian chicks speaking multiple languages while having sex. Um... yeah, this movie needs work.

As a first production from the Asian lesbian director Alice Wu, it's a gem.  

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Age is Just A Number...?

So by request, there is an excellent topic that I wanna talk about: "How young is too young for me to date your skinny ass?" or "If I remember when the dinos became petroleum, is that too old for you to date me?" 

Like classic folks say, "Age is just a number". That's what cougars say when they want to bang some fresh meat. Or what gold diggers say when they need someone new to feed their habit. (I'm speaking of Abercrombie & Fitch, Luxury hand bags, luxury sunglasses, overpriced French food, and occasionally, crack.) I personally think there's a limit or restriction. 

We actually talked about that in my Gender Studies class last semester, and we concurred as a class that legal limits are set for a reason. A youngster under the age of 18 has a prematurely developed frontal lobe that prevents them from accurate make decision about anything. (I hate hate hate being stuck behind kids at the cereal aisle, they can't ever decide between Cinnamon Toast Crunch or French Toast Crunch. [or maybe it was just my dilemma since I'm the only one old enough to even remotely remember that they ever made a "French Toast Crunch". Greatest cereal ever. I swear])

Well, going back to the topic... 

I personally have no fucking idea how I feel about age and relationships. Like I, an 18 year-old, always have been crushing older women ever since I was aware of my gayness. But how old is too old? I like older women because they are more mature, and I can be my gay ass immature self with them and be justified because I am young. I also like to blame all my faults and immaturity on me being a kid. But no longer can I do that, right?

High schoolers bother me. I know, I need to get off my high horse because I should only be a high schooler, getting ready to graduate. But I feel like a year of college whipped me into shape. I know how to deal with people better, talk to people, and being myself and having a good ass time. High schoolers tend to hold on to things beyond their reach. (I guess it's just some people in general). But once you hit a stage in your life, you learn to let go of things that don't matter as much or can't help. Maybe it's all me. But I always had a hard time working with younger people, and preferred older people. 

As I hit a plateau of maturity, I am hoping that everyone is on the same page after... 18, 19? I mean, there is a significant difference between 15 year-old Lisa and 18 year-old Lisa. And I guess I'm just assuming that everyone else is the same. Assuming. I don't know for sure. Also I talked to someone a little bit ago, she was 14, 15ish, and I was 17, and we didn't click that well. I blamed it on the age, but it might just be because we're different people. 

See, I have no right writing about this, since I know nothing about this topic and I am sure as hell confused as everyone else is about it!

I mean, I wouldn't mind trying things out to see if it's the age or the person. I would conduct an experiment with controlled variables down to the very last hair on the back of someone's feet. Too bad that's impossible. 

I guess, in conclusion, the only thing that matters is if these two people are on the same page of their life. I think it's completely ridiculous to date someone right before they go off to college. College opens up a world of new experiences, and it would be completely unfair to have a long distance relationship that might "hinder" (I know it's not the best word for it) the ultimate college experience. It's also ridiculous to think that a high school relationship will last forever. According to my friends stats, they don't. People become on different pages of their lives, people change, it's a fact. 

It seems weird to me to date someone under the age of 18 that's MUCH younger than me. I would feel like a paedo. I mean, a 13-14 year-old would have nothing to offer me. More likely than not, they would not have a path set for themselves that they want to follow like I do. They are kids. I am not. I'm responsible. And that would also be illegal. I do enough illegal shit that that shouldn't be one of them. 

Anyone older than I would be okay, as long as they want the same things out of life as I. 

I don't know what else to ultimately say, other than this:

I guess age doesn't really matter as long as two people are open for discussion regarding what who wants out of a relationship. Make sure that portal is open, because life situations change. A lot. 

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Star 運財至叻星

Many people probably haven't even heard of this movie before. And I don't blame them. Many people probably have seen this movie like 34543 million times because it comes up on their TVB programming 34543 million times, every Chinese New Years. And people probably just watch it in the background as they feast with their families or play mahjong or eat dumplings. I've seen it 34543 million times times 4. I just bought it on DVD last summer before I went off to college. 

Currently in my DVD player: Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Zak and Miri 
(Yeah, I have a multi-disc DVD player, be jealous! Actually no, I don't, I'm not a baller, I just have 3 DVD players. ><)

Currently on my blog list: Grey's Anatomy Season 5 Finale, Saw Series, Relationship and Age and 17 Again
(correction: I WILL NOT do a schpeal about that Zac Effron movie, though I love love love Matthew Perry. I might just post a blog about how stupid the movie seems and I'd never watch it, but I WILL NEVER DO A REVIEW!!)

I LOVE Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Star! It's completely retarded, but it was very cleverly written with joke after joke after joke! It's the epitome of classic HK comedy. They just don't make movies like they used to.. ><

Starring 陳百祥,袁靑見靑見 (Sorry, I can't find the character for her name in my version of chinese input ><), 鐘麗緹,Michael Wong, and many many famous guest cameo stars. My favorite is probably 吳鎮宇, his role as the main antagonist on Earth. Freaking hilarious. 

I think it's a really simplistic movie with a few simplistic cutesy themes, and that's enough to sell me.

TTLS is about a windfall god that came down to Earth because his "lover" (just another hot chick he has the hots for) has been banished to Earth because she was dating another "god". Who happens to be an angel, an envoy sent to Chinese Heaven by Jesus. St. Michael. haha So he just picked up his ass and left his cushy job as a god, with magic and longevity and fans to risk losing his job forever and being a mortal (oh no!) FOR A GIRL!? Who does that shit?! Well, I didn't graduate high school early for a girl. Or did I? I don't remember, little 5 happened. ;D

Turns out either Superman can fly into the heavens, or he's a god. I'd prefer the former, he's a bad ass, but doesn't have the creds to be wandering around with Choi Sun, Yuk Wong Dai Dei, Yi Long Sun, Sou Xing Gong and the like. 

Okay, so since this is a LGBT (remember kids, L comes first!) blog, I might as well interject some LGBT shit into this movie. hehe. 

So Nak (the windfall god) is on Earth, and he has to get his goddess, who's now a regular human (but was a porn star), Christie, to say those three magical words that every person fear ("abra cada bra!" or "mali mali hom!") so he can take her back to heaven with him.  
(„noʎ ǝʌoן ı„ : ʎןןɐnʇɔɐ sı ɹǝʍsuɐ ʇɔǝɹɹoɔ ǝɥʇ)

Of course she's gonna be a ho about it. But it's not her fault, Nak never explained the premise of the deal about being a goddess and the power and the longevity and fans and shit of the like. If he did, shit, I'd take it runaway from Earth and my 全城最受歡迎男歌手:城城 (City's most popular male singer: Xeng Xeng) boyfriend. I can pick up all the other hot goddess chicks and have hot goddess sex all of eternity. ;D

Well, so Matchmaker God, Yuet Lo, gave Nak a pill that one would eat and fall deeply in love with Nak. Guess who didn't eat the pill? Guess who did? Yup, Xeng Xeng did. 

So we have a gay boy in this movie now. We have a potential gay-lationship ready to blossom! Yeah, but Nak is too much in love with Christie. Or whatever. 

There's this very funny scene where Christie asks Xeng if he wants Nak or her. Those hos, don't know you how to share? Geez. Well, he wants Nak so Christie leaves. Wait, he wants Christie. Xeng wants both!! Oh no! What should he do!? "How about you leave? That'll make things uncomplicated," Nak interjects during a supposed "private" conversation. 

Well, Xeng doesn't leave. He stays. It's such a typical HK movie where the main characters are the only ones with remotely good acting skillz and everyone else is reading dialogue. Christie was probably only employed for this movie because she's a sexy beast. Michael actually did a pretty convincing job as a gay boy who's in love with Nak. Beautiful (who's original name was Liza, when she was dating Cup Noodle [羅家英]) was seriously an okay actress, her expressions were over exaggerated, but that's what this movie sought. Also, there are so many little puns in this movie that you'd only understand if you are a die-hard TVB fan. (in which I have the membership card for ;D)

But this gay relationship wasn't criticized or denounced. It was simply an easy way to poke at Michael Wong. So it was laugh track. At least there's exposure. But it was done in a crude way in which it stereotyped gay men as feminine and clingy. At least there's exposure. 

It was an adequate storyline though. It would have been just a funny if it was some random ugly chick (如花)that ate the pill (typically that's how the movies run). But they didn't want to use too many actors or actresses, they already spent a shitton on the cameos! So it was Mikey that was the lover. 

And if you watched realllllllllllllly carefully, at the end scene when (blank) won the Gambling King contest, Xeng hugged Mr. Wu (out of happiness or saddness? Watch it to find out!) and gave him a peck on the cheek, Mr. Wu checked Xeng out. It was super funny and super cute. He deserves to be an Oscar-equivalent winner. hehehe.  

Okay, gay enough for you?

Well, so other theme in this movie is about finding love in the most unexpected places. If I say anymore, it's gonna be spoiled. SO... SPOILER ALERT! Don't scroll down if you wanna see this classic badass yourself!!

I warned you.


So of course Nak ends up with Beautiful. She was just his "guiding light" to find Christie at first, but more developed. Of course. Clliiicchheee. 

But while you're so desperately looking for the girl that you find the most attractive, you happen to neglect the people around you. You shouldn't do that! It's programmed into our DNA to "value sex and devalue friends", but when shit happens, who are you gonna be crawling to in the middle of the night? 

And turns out, this friend of Nak's happened to be the girl of his dreams! Yey for happy ending! But even then, Christie is held hostage by Mr. Wu (loosely translate: pretty kwen), Nak still holds up his end of the task to save a girl that hated him, despised him, wanted nothing to do with him. It's life. There's always gonna be those dudes out there, why bother? let them live their life, and you happily with yours. 

This is a really funny ass movie with cutesy little jokes everywhere. I can probably quote half this movie... Please check it out, let me know if I'm retarded or not (more like YES.) 

Nak got a group of cops to dance with him (What's good to eat about a Driver's license? If you wanna eat, you should eat an ID!)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

No, She's NEVER Into Me

Here, at home on my day off, I was going through my random internet-related routines, and found a comment on my last post. Reader The Labyrinth requested a review of the movie He's Just Not That Into You. Being reader-oriented that I am, of course I'd do it! I actually watched this movie when it first came out in the theaters back in February. I'd never say no to a remotely decent chick-flick, even if it's straight. My buddies in my dorm were all into it, and it just looked so cute! So we had a girls night that went sour (always does, women can never be satisfied), and went to see the movie. 

Nothing really bothers me, so even if some hos are pouting, I'm still gonna go to the movie and have a good time. I hooted and hollered at the screen, hehehe I'm such a dyke. 

Starring... Yeah, you can read your own movie poster. Hah. I watched this movie because the trailers seemed AWESOME. You know those movies, like the trailer gets you all excited and pumped up and you're like, "Yeeahhh! Badass Mother fucking movie! I'm gonna spend 10 bucks and watch that shit!" Then, ten dollars and 1.5 precious hours later, you walk out of the cinema and you're like, "Wow, the only good parts are in the trailer." And you feel gypped. That's life, right?

Okay, I'm NOT saying this was one of those movies. I'm saying this movie stars many of my favorite actresses, such as Ms. Barrymore (we're no longer on first and last name basis, as I made a public apology to her [please forgive me!]), Jennifer Aniston (LOVED her since Friends), Scarlett Johansson, and Jennifer Connelly (she gained a few wrinkles since the Labyrinth days, but still lookin' sexier than ever!).  

See I didn't realize that Labyrinth was so old that color didn't exist! Thanks to a scientist back in the 80s that gave us color. Prior too, everyone was either black, white, or somewhere in between. No other races existed either, other than black, white, or somewhere in between. ;D

So He's Just Not That Into You is a pretty special movie for me, actually. In the movie, they have people (supposedly "real people", those that are not paid to be in the movie because they are doing an interview for the movie, but in reality those actors paid to be "act" like a "real person" was probably paid a lot more. More than Ben Affleck, but slightly less than Drew Barrymore [ahem, Ms. Barrymore]) give a little schpeal about relationships. Particularly, there's one titled "If she's not sleeping with you..." And the man on the large movie screen was going on a tirade about why women won't sleep with men and shit of the like. But before the camera cuts him off, he was ranting about women who won't sleep with men, are named "Amber and Christine". This may seen of no significance to any lame person, but... this blog is exported to FaceBook, ><, I can't explain, but I'm sure you can guess what's up. 

Okay, so back to reviewing. Shit, I really fail at this thing, I might as well just stop reviewing and call it, "Lisa's Feelings About Movies Made". Okay, even if, I have to finish this one. 

Well, so this movie follows the sex-lives of the lead characters listed in the movie poster above, except Ms. Barrymore. It was quite surprising to me that she had more of a cameo existence rather than a lead. I mean, I understand that she produced this movie, and want to draw people by using her big name and all, but she's co-starring JENNIFER ANISTON! The tickets sell themselves! Oh god, like if a movie like Marley and Me can make it without Ms. Barrymore's endorsement, I think He's Just Not That into You can too, seeing there's Jennifer Connelly in it as well. I actually haven't seen Marley and Me, so I shouldn't so quickly pass judgement. (Psst, it's Marley and I, because it's the assumed subjects of the non-existence sentence, but still, it's grammatically incorrect). Still, no judgements. 

Wow, I really fail. 

So this movie was derived from a book that derived from a line uttered in the show Sex And The City. Some point in them, one of the lovely ladies from Sex said something like, "He's just not that into you," or whatever, and a couple of self-help writers wrote a little pocket book on reading the signs that "He's just not that into you". You'd be surprised how dense people can be. People actually DO need a book and/or movie to let them know that someone is not interested. I mean, by now, I'm like a Ph.D. in that department. Because She's NEVER Into Me. 

Well, so it was a very clever movie, I'm not gonna lie. I always appreciate a movie that's not just focused on one dimension of time and space. Those characters all intertwine somehow, and it was nice. But honestly, straight relationships are just so mundane! There's always the same things, "Guy doesn't want to get married, girl does. Guy changes mind in end. Lives happily ever after", or "Wife loves Guy, Guy loves Wife. One of the two falls in love with their soulmate. Divorce happens. Or they work through it 'for the sake of the kids'." Or, "Girl constantly bitches about not being able to find love." Lather, rinse, and repeat if necessary ever Friday. 

As straight chick-flicks go, this one wasn't too bad. It had good looking characters, very cutesy acting. 

The only complaint I can really  have is how annoying Ginnifer Goodwin's character is! Watch the movie and tell me if you disagree.

One last comment! 

Regarding the trailer quote that EVERYONE holds to heart, "I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies!" said Drew [Ms.] Barrymore's character, Mary. I think everyone under the age of 30 these days can feel the impact of the honesty of this statement. I think it's just stupid to go around leaving these messages on that many portals. Are you trying to play hard to get? See, you're SO good at it that you're now "impossible to get". Who has the day and time to go around checking and sending all those things anyways?! Like I have my email and text message on my phone, and I'm muy contento. He's probably not rejecting you, Drew, he probably never got your message that you left at his house and thought you blew him off!

Let's not make life more complicated than it is! Everyone knows that it's hard to sustain or even find a relationship these days... it's harder with a gay one. So please stop playing your stupid games and just come out and say it. Instead of dropping hints that He's Just Not That Into You, just stop. Calling. Or just break it off. Lame excuses ARE lame. 

I've actually had someone tell me that lame excuses are lame, then turned around and gave me some lame excuse about how she doesn't wanna chill. And another who was always too busy for me, yes, she was a rockstar, and yes, her name is Britney Spears. That's why she wouldn't go out with me. 

Well, my little blog is not gonna make an impact, but I hope people do eventually clean their shit up and grow some balls and just come out and say, "I'm just not that into you". 

There's no such thing as being too busy for someone, unless you're Britney. If you want to make time for someone, if she really wants to see you, hang out with you, be with you, she will skip lunch, or sleep. 

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Review of the "MILK"

Dear Readers, it's been awhile, I know. I've been moving home, going on a trip to GA, and more importantly, being a lazy ass. Hopefully now that I have basically nothing to do, I'm gonna me more available to regularly post blogs regarding nothing and everything. :D

Okay, first day back, I'm gonna do a review of the movie Milk, starring Sean Penn, James Franco, and Emile Hirsch. 

I would've never watched this movie before... I don't know. I probably would've never watched this movie period. But I heard it was very well done, also very enlightening. And it was very enlightening. 

Well, what I thought of the movie probably contradicts with a lot of people's view of the movie. My fellow gay buddy, Rick, spoke very highly of this movie, and thought it was a master piece. I was slightly under the influence when I watched it last night, so give regards to what I'm saying. haha ;D

So, I picked this movie up while getting Harold and Kumar: Escape From Guantánomo Bay. My brother really wanted to watch it with me, I wanted to watch Milk. So I watched Milk instead. I think it did my body better. 

What I like about this movie:

The Story. Any life bio is actually pretty dull. Like our lives aren't like life at Seattle Grace Hospital. Or Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Or at the Planet. Or Wisteria Lane. (btw, I drove by that street while I was in GA!) Well, most people's lives are pretty mundane. Unless something's wrong with you. ;) So basically, Harvey Milk's life was pretty much run-of-the-mill, but to make it a movie, the producers have to spice it somehow! 

The insertions of actual footage during the campaign back in the 70s was a nice touch, seamless and flawless. I don't know what was the budget of the movie, but they did good with what they had. 

The message. My favorite part. I didn't actually cry during this movie, but I did in Ghosts of Girlsfriends Past. I know, I know.. I like fluff once in awhile, okay? I mean, certain things get to me, such as family, negligence, shit of the like. 

I mean, could you imagine if any normal ass group of people who would otherwise be privileged be ostracized by everyone? Including their family? From a personal stand point, imagine walking out into the world, thinking you can do whatever the hell you want because you're a hard-working, smart, strong individual. But no. Because genetically, you are Asian, you are denied all everything in the world. The world thinks that you have nothing to provide, nothing to contribute because you are Asian. You are not allowed to have jobs or live in a shelter with roof over your head and running water because you are Asian. 

Feel free to substitute out "Asian" for anything you like; Catholic, Irish, German, English-speaking, Latino/a, Middle-Eastern, whatever. 

I think the African-Americans who participated in the Civil Rights movement in the 50s, 60s, 70s, and even til now knows what I'm talking about. 

Though the world is not like that (anymore) for Asians, it is (in less extremities) for gays. Thank you Harvey Milk! Because of this man, who started the movement against legislations against gays, I, Lisa Yang, can live this day without the fear that I might lose my job, or lose my house, or lose all my "natural born rights" because I happen to not like the penis so much. 

I think I can speak for all when I say regardless of party boundaries or religion or race, the ones dwelling in America just want America to flourish. We want a land that we feel safe in. We want to live in a place that will allow us, personally, to flourish, so that America can flourish. Everyone wants their right to practice whatever the goddamned hell they want. Imagine if a group of people wakes up tomorrow morning, decides that they all, in unity doesn't want Christians to read the Bible. Or they don't want anybody to go potty. It doesn't happen. Hopefully not. 

I know and understand that everyone has their own opinion. I respect that everyone has their own opinions. I understand certain upbringings or developments would elicit different kinds of mentality in certain people. But in our own homes, I'm sure everyone would like to do whatever they would like in their own homes. If striaghties want to watch tv, read a book, hunt a deer, shoot at random things, play board games, watch porn, teach their children how to properly thump a Bible or whatever the hell else straighties do. Hey, I personally wouldn't give a damn. And I don't. But what we do in our homes is our business.  I would LOVE to go home to an incredibly gorgeous and smart wife with our incredibly gorgeous and smart kids running up to me to give me hugs as I unload a day's stress as I plop in front of my computer to post a blog. 

If conservatives and straighties want us vote to keep their lives the way they want it, we would. Because we know (hope) that you'd do the same thing for us. But you don't. Instead, straight druggies are better than gay druggies. Straight sex offenders aren't as bad as gay ones. Homosexuality is why people become ax murderers. But straight people who are ax murderers are just having a rough patch in their life. 


Okay, I'm failing at the review of an Oscar winning movie by going on a tangent on how we're screwed over. 

So what I didn't like about the movie:

Milk is pretty... vanilla. It tells a great tell in a very attractive way. I mean, Harvey Milk predicted his own assassination before it happens. That's pretty badass. He was doing something revolutionary, something big. It was bound to happen. But honestly, the life of his isn't that... exciting. I mean, his movement was, but his life? Not so much. 

That's bout it.

Mainly it was a well dictated movie, well acted, very good portrayal of the gay community. Sean Penn did a fantastic job. I haven't seen any of this movies, but it takes something in a man to act like a gay man. 

Another out of the blue thing:

I really love love love love the community. It's just such a warm and inviting place. Asians prejudice against other Asians. Religions hate on other religions that aren't what they are. We can't have that. We don't have that. We are super united and we super love all the ones who doesn't hate us. 

Sunday, April 26, 2009

A Storm. Is. Gathering.

In response to NOM's million dollar campaign regarding the legalization of same-sex marriage, there is a plethora of parodies out on the web. Some are simplistic ones that are voiced-over with interjection of video clips, then there's the Liz Feldman's star studded parody, one put out by Shoot the Messenger, and then there's my favorite: the Stephen Colbert's. If I were to repost them, it'd be like searching for any blog. Well, I am 'any blog', so I would do that. But then again I have a 7 page paper due in a few days. So I'm just gonna post some lines I would rewrite. ;D

The Liz Feldman's was cute, with all the stars, but the punchline was okay, and the sense of humor was too much like Liz's randomness. which I do and don't appreciate. Colbert's version has the most funny lines, but didn't have a punch-kick effect. And Shoot The Messenger's version was a little dry with the crazy lookin' people. hah. I'm not saying any of those were bad, as I can't replicate or come up with any of those jokes myself. But I'm gonna give it a stab.

I'm lame, so please, just... yeah. mmhmm

There's a storm gathering. 
The clouds are dark, much like (thinks for a minute) Azkaban. 
And I am afraid. 
Some who advocate for same-sex marriage has taken the issue far beyond same-sex couples.
They want to bring the issue into Dementor's lips. 
My soul might be eaten, as I am really butch.
I am a California doctor who doesn't know how to treat gay people... and people without souls.
I'm part of a New Jersey Church group who went under because wizards and witches do not believe in God. 
I'm a Hogwarts parent helplessly watching Dumbledore teach same-sex magic to my wizards and witches. FROM. HIS. GRAVE.
And his professors who advocate for same-sex marriage are either secretly involved in a cult, is a werewolf, or interracial giants. 
Hogwarts want to change the way I live. as a muggle.
I will have no choice. Either send me child to a school of the gifted and watch them turn gay, or let Dumbledore corrupt their minds. FROM. THE. GRAVE.
(Fleur speaking) The. Storm. Is. Coming. 
But we have hope (Name tagged Draco Owens), a Floo Powder coalition of Muggles, Squibs, Mudbloods, and Purebloods are coming together in love to protect marriage. Visit Join Us. 

Paid for by Global Wizards and Witches Who Think J.K. Rowling Is A Fraud. A Lesbian Fraud. Which is may or may not be responsible for the validity of Harry Potter's scar. 

I hope people don't take this with offense that I butchered a greatly loved Epic series...

Have a great day!

And enjoy this vid while you're bored. ;D

The Homolulu Show

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Girls who don't look like girls: Top 5 Androgynous girls

I'm not gonna lie, I have a secret fetish for androgynous women. Well, apparently so does the rest of Asia. But I'm not bi or straight. Like, when I make a statement like that, people would usually comment like, "Oh, so you like girls who look like boys. Is that the secret straight girl in you?" Well, to that comment, there's a little straight girl in every lesbian. And there's a little gay girl in every straight girl. ;D 

I must clarify, I don't like... "butch". I don't like girls who is in the wifebeater and baggy jeans. I don't like the dyke cut or mullet. I guess when I think of "butch", I think of thicker girls and more masculine. 

(Disclaimer: totally all MY opinion) 

I, personally, like scrawny girls with awesome hair that aren't always in dresses and face caked with make up. (如果你卸了裝我不認得你的話,那不叫做化裝,那叫喬裝) "If you take off your make up and I can't recognize you, that's not called make up, it's called disguise" - Dayo Wang. I swear it sounds a lot better in Chinese, the original language the joke was told in. ;D

Not gonna lie, I was pretty reluctant to admit that I am extremely attracted to these girls, because what would that say about my gayity!? Okay, I'm still reluctant to admit that I find some "butch" girls are hot too, probably for the same reason. I'll let you guys know when I do find one attractive. I've got nothing to hide. 

Most of these androgynous but not butchy girls are Asian, I apologize, because I can't really think of any white ones that really fits "my taste". But I'm not the only one who are fans of them, the little Asian girls in China and Taiwan like them too... what does that say about the Asian population? They're a little... ggehy? ;)

Well, here is a sampling, the top 5 girls I believe are gorgeous in their androgyny. 

5. Ella from S.H.E. 
(Far left, duh)
She's more masculine than the other two of the group, and she's definitely considered "gender-neutral". I don't know if Ella was packaged by their record label to be the more tomboyish or what, but she pulls it off every well. Ella is often the lone one out of the group not wearing a dress or mini-skirt.When I first encountered S.H.E., I was extremely critical of their group, without even listening to their music first. I wasn't secure with my sexuality, thus I wasn't secure with Ella's. Ella's deeper, huskier voice raised rumors regarding her sex back in the days (even today, still).  But I've grown to love her lots, I think she's really real and hilarious. She's also the number one rapper in Taiwan too. Well, not officially, but she does a lot of rap for the group. 

4. Zhao Yi Lan (Star from Drifting Flowers
(Far right, this time)
Before watching Drifting Flowers, I would think Yi Lan's okay, but after, she's super cute! In the movie, you see multiple angles of her, with some "age" added to her make up, she definitely looks good. Yi Lan's tall and lanky, but with a childish face and smile, STOLE MY HEART. She's more masculine than Ella, but Yi Lan is just cute and kinda charming. 

3. Chris Li (Winner of 2005 China's Pop Idol) 
Chris Li won, I would say the first "election" in China. Very similarly to American Idol, viewers would text or call in their votes to their favorite girls on TV to determine the winner of the singing contest. She is very pretty. Besides Ella, Chris is probably the first androgynous girl on Asian media that I'm aware of. (Don't quote me!) Chris is like the hot version of William Hung. She can actually sing a little better than him (hopefully), but has the positive attitude of "doing her best". I've heard she's an incredible dancer, too. But yeah, Chris is tall and beautiful, with some pretty nice breasticular region as well. I used to be kinda repelled by her, until my cousin sent me some pics of her being SUPER cute. ;D

2. Zhang Yun Jing (Winner of Taiwan's singing show of some sort) 
If you ever heard Yun Jing sing, you're definitely gonna be swooning all over the place. Above, she looks SUPER cute in her Jay Chou-like suit-thing. I LOVE her hair. Yun Jing is shorter (than Yi Lan and Chris), and kinda is quiet and chilled-out, kinda like a archaeological dig, get her to open up and find out more about her. One a variety show once, she was seen wearing a yellow knitted sweater and large tv-frame glasses with black rims. (drools a little) Yun Jing was once interviewed before a song, and she cried on stage about her ex (bf/gf?) of 3 years, and she wanted to dedicate Jay Chou's Black Humor to her/him. Super sensitive, super cute. I think Yun Jing is more softer-butch, if I even wanna use that term, than Yi Lan. The girl just seems really down to earth. In the following video, her voice is a lot more feminine than her speaking voice... (drools again)

1. The number one spot... belongs to... 

Katherine Moennig. 
I know, I know, she's the only white one. I'm sorry! But I think Kate is super sexy. I know, I'm one of those girls who swoon at Kate's skinny-ass ass, and husky voice and super hot hair, and soulful eyes, and... yeah. I guess the difference between the other girls and Shane Kate is that she's sexy. And I have a relationship with her, as I made it through six years of The L Word-ness. I feel bad, I really am "one of those girls". Like I think Kate is super hot and she seems really sweet and tries really hard to give every one of us fans a good performance on the screen. 

Well, congratulations, Kate Moennig, for being the sexiest of the sexy androgynies. ;) Like she haven't topped this kinda list all over the net. (I wish I can tell her how sexy is she in person. But I guess it wouldn't just be that, I'd have to roofie her, then I'd be arrested because I don't cover my tracks well enough. Then I'd have to sit my ass in jail, but who's gonna have the bragging rights to have shagged Shane Kate Moennig? Yup. Me.)

Drifting Flowers

After watching Spider Lilies (刺青)by Zero Zhou, I was pretty reluctant to see Drifting Flowers. But I am utterly bored on this Monday night, and decided to watch a lesbian movie. Woot woot!

There are so many selections for me to choose from, but I wanted to see a good one. Or at least one I know something about. I recently read an interview with the director of Spider Lilies and Drifting Flowers (飄浪青春) and was really intrigued by her story. Miss Zhou wants to make a series of six lesbian movies, to make an impact in the silenced Taiwanese gay community. 

Thoughts for Spider Lilies

I thought the lead actresses were incredibly hot, but not well chosen. Rainie Yang was very good in Spider Lilies, I'm not gonna lie, she did a very good job as the crazy girl who just wants to be loved. The twists in the plot were well-thought out, but it was a strain on the brain to watch. It was a really quiet movie, a little slow for my taste as well. The best part about a lesbian film is seeing two beautiful girls going at it! But it was left on the cutting room floor. (sad face) Well, we didn't miss much, as it could be found on YouTube and it was just a really really awkward, but hot make out scene between Rainie and Isabella.  

The problem for casting Isabella is that she's too... beautiful. She's way too beautiful to play a girl who's supposed to be more masculine. I understand in Drifting, Zero Zhou portrayed a butch/femme relationship, is she trying to do that again with Rainie and Isabella? It's quite stretch. She's too pretty. Basically. The character, Takeko, has many dark secrets, and very introverted. You see Isabella not smile, and it's like, "Whoa! bitch!" Too... off putting. Too off putting to a point that you don't wanna associate with her. You know what I mean? 

Like some people can be somber and not... bitch like. Just you know she's not... wanting to kill your poor puppy.

Anywayyyys. It's been a while since I've seen Spider Lilies, so I might do another blog on that, but OFF TO DRIFTING FLOWERS!

Well, I can either write a recap, or I can write a review. I'm gonna start with a review.

Basically, I wasn't really into this movie because of Spider Lilies, but ended up watching anyways. Yes, I must watch every single Lesbian Movie, so I can be a badass. Or really gay. Or a really gay bad ass. 

Essentially, this story is told in two parts. Though it all wraps up into one large happy family. (That will be $11.77, your pick up number is 12) It's really well told. Maybe some American "breakthrough TV show" writers should get some schooling. (cough) Like every moment is about what's gonna happen next!? Don't stop there! Stupid ass scene setting, just tell me what happens!! There is essentially very little background music, which is nice. But when the background music is on, it's quite annoying. It's the sound of an electronic... I wanna say accordion, but I don't have a ear for music. Unless it's good. ha. Well, so when the ducks aren't dying, it's just mysterious and suspenseful. Quite nice. 

Well, to give an general overview that's not a cut and paste from movie websites... It's one big story surrounding the life of Diego, a self-acclaimed tomboy. The first half of the movie is told through the emotions of Mei Go, a little girl who guides her older blind sister (who's INCREDIBLY gorgeous), Jing (房思瑜) around as she sings at events at night. Diego is an accordion player that's like, new in town. Mei Go developed an incredible crush on this androgynous entity, who, ironically, is in love with her sister. 

When I watched this movie's trailer, a long time ago, I wondered a few things. From what it seems (what the movie portrays), Jing is rather innocent. I don't think she's really been with a guy before. I mean, Diego's rather androgynous, so is she mistaking Diego for a man? I mean, she obviously knows that Diego's a chick, they've fucked. (excuse me!) But Diego is dressed like a dude, (puts Shane to shame) has short hair, and rather long and lanky. Watch the movie, I hope you'll see what I mean. I guess I question if Jing is really attracted to Diego as who she is, or is... kinda stuck with her. 


Okay, Mei Go. I mean, she's like 10, there's no way this adult sexy lady is gonna like her. Mei Go (白芝穎) is incredible cute.  She was really realistic in her role as a typical 10 year-old. Props to her. ^^ But as (young) adults, it's hard to relate to this girl's maturity or immaturity. We sometimes forget that we were once that age, and have these agonies as well. When I was young, I was attracted to... boys and girls. But I was like 9, I had this knowledge inside me that these dudes/dudettes aren't gonna like me, they want someone their own age. But I pretended to be extremely mature, still. That only killed my childhood. Now, I'm 18, and these really hot girls and boys are up for grab... but nobody wants me. :( (sorry about that)

Well, the girl who played the older Mei Go was incredibly cute as well, but she wasn't credited. I wish I can find out who this girl is. She definitely looked a lot like Mei Go, maybe even a sibling. Wouldn't that be fun?

Okay, so Diego (趙逸嵐). The second half of the movie was basically like Diego's coming out story. This flashes back to when Diego was still in high school. (I went through 7 pages of Google Image search for a pic of the actress who plays Diego, and to. no. avail. wtf) Okay, I got one. Well... I don't want to ruin it. 

But as a teenager, Diego was very uncomfortable in her female body, but didn't want to be a boy, at the same time. Based on personal experience, I went through the same things she did, except at a MUCH younger age. I didn't like how I can't run around topless. I didn't like that I had to cover my chest. I didn't like bras either. I didn't like all the girly things connoted with girls. I hated dressed. I hated make-up. I didn't do anything to my hair because... putting it up would be girly. 

Well, I got over myself, after 15 years. I finally became more comfortable with my own sexuality. I no longer feel like I should be squished into a mold. I can be a girl. And I can be a girl however I want to be a girl. 

I also understand how people can be completely unsatisfied with how they look or how other people sees them. I mean, change something. If not you look, then your own mentality about things. And more power to those who do. ^^

I guess the actress who plays Diego is a little androgynous herself. I didn't know that. Hm. Well, Apparently, this androgynous thing is kinda the deal in Asia these days. Like back in 2005, a reality show in China very much like American Idol, but with girls only, out turned a winner, Chris Li 李雨春, who's not the typical beautiful Chinese girl that's more like Jing.

I mean, her voice is pretty good, but NOT that great. You can't vote for your government, but you sure as hell can vote for a national icon! (Thumbs Up) C'mon, now. But I think Chris is über sexy too. I have a secret affinity for androgynous women. No, not really the butch thing, but more so androgyny :D 

Shit, I can just post another blog about Androgynous Asians! 

*ahem* so back to Drifting Flowers, I enjoyed the movie more than I expected. The cinematography was a little annoying, like a geek with a new computer, and adding all these unnecessary annoying little details to make the movie more "artsy". I really like how the story ties back around together in a pretty little bow. 

I also liked how Drifting Flowers also stayed away from the homophobic eye. It slightly touched upon the family's worries for their daughter, and some Chinese family values, but there wasn't anything negative. Our society, especially the traditional Asian society, frequently acts hatefully towards our harmless group. But this movie told the story it is what it is, regardless of view of the common people, this was love. "Love is love, it doesn't matter boy or girl." 

I really like how most of the movie is not spoken in the traditional Mandarin dialect, but in the Taiwanese dialect. In the little villages Diego lives in, the residents WERE more likely to speak Taiwanese than Mandarin. This really adds a kick to the movie, which I really liked and appreciated. It gives a local flair. 

This movie makes me realize how cute and cozy the gay community is, and how much I enjoy being a part of it. So, here is the trailer, you can find the movie on YouTube as well.

Thanks for reading. ^^