Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Black Swan, Grey Goose.

BlaahhhH! Can you believe it? Another blog post about a movie that only some people watched, and less people liked!

Of course, this is the Intranet.

Holy shit, read up on Black Swan since like August. I was all up in her shit. As soon as I heard about it on (most visited next to Facebook and Twitter on my browser), I was too excited to see this movie. Why? Because Natalie Portman in The Other Boylen Girl was bitchy and I like bitchy.

Two girls that make my pants feel funny.

Natalie Portman was also in V for Vendetta! A heavily motif-ed movie about government. I love politics.

Mmm... Bald... So little girls can pull it off

Regardless of how annoying and whiney and creepy Evey is in V for Vendetta, the rest of the movie was fantastic! The story about the lesbian in the post-totalitarian UK was important, but felt out of place. I thought that turn in the movie was meaningful, but done wrong. Also goes back to how "lesbians are murdered off in Hollywood, because the rest of the world should feel sorry about them" theme. Whatever.

Well, I wish I was good enough at programming that I can write a button on this page to lead you (reader) to the reading of Black Swan that you want to read about. I got the feminist manifesto (i.e. the straight world of Hollywood hates Lesbians and wish we would die) and the fun version (where I'm optimistic and tell you about all the things I liked and disliked about this movie).

You're getting both. Close your eyes and scroll allllll the way down if you want to ignore the feminist manifesto part. (As part of my degree requires, I have to be a dick (pun) to all directors in Hollywood regarding lesbian storylines).

Okay! So here it goes... Manifesto!

I'll try to leak the least I can.

Mainstream Hollywood hates all Lesbians! We should all die! Nina (Nat. Port. [Yes, I'm that lazy]) dances in a ballet company in New York. She wants to be perfect. Of course, no ballerina is satisfied with being "mediocre". I mean, it's like a kid writing on their 3rd grade essay, "When I grow up, I want to be an amateur athlete." NO! We want to be Pro-Olympic-quality Athletes!

So there's an opening for the new Swan Queen because Beth (Wino. Ryd. [you figure it out yourself]) has been asked to step down as the Dancing Queen. Oh, of course it's not that simple, there's also a new chick. From San Diego. Hot. How hot? Hot as Meg from Family Guy.

No kidding! That hot!

Yeah, but it's kinda not Meg, it's Lily, played by Mil. Kuni. [Insert Dramatic Music]

So shit goes down, and there's a shit show. Typically what happens when women are at each other's throats.

Hollywood hates lesbians because any woman-on-woman action is concluded with death, betrayal, insanity, or all of the above. Guess which one Black Swan is?

Okay, this ends my manifesto. YOU CAN START READING NOW!

So I don't want to give much of the story away, but something I'd like to address: Nina and her mom's relationship.

When I was told that "nothing is an accident" in movies in my T206 class? I scoffed. Then after, every single movie I watched, there was a motif for something else in the movie. It was just a coin-key-dink. Whatevs.


So the director and writer wrote this movie so blatantly that Nina's (I'd say 22 years old?) room is a princess fairy-tale-land, living in her mom's apartment. As a fail ballerina, her mom wanted Nina to be mediocre like she was. (The mom was knocked up and quit dancing because I guess somehow pregger ballerinas are frowned upon :() My, my, I wonder if I can use cruder language to describe such high-brow art. Nope.

When Nina's mother not wake Nina up for her big day because Nina flipped shit on her mom the night before? Mom actually just didn't want Nina to be something she couldn't have. Mom can't stand Nina to be out of her control and soar high.

You'll understand this once you watched the movie. So I LIED ABOUT SPOILER!

Let's move on to the sex between Nina and Lily! Yeah... ***~~SPOILER ALERT~~***
It didn't happen. Well, at least in real life. Nina tripped on, what I think is coke or X, and wanted to embody the Black Swan so so so so badly that she wanted to fuck "the Black Swan".

Not gonna lie though, SUPER hot scene. My goodness, that clip leaked on the 'net so I can just talk about it! The black bra and panties Lily wore which symbolized Black and the white undies and bra Nina wore? Duh. But seeing two gorgeous women on screen tearing each other apart... priceless.

My favorite quote from the movie, "You had a crazy lesbo-sex fantasy about me?! How was I!?"

You know, I'd be asking the same thing if Natalie Portman came up to me and told me she had a sex dream about me. Or any girl, for that matter. :P

Okay, so the actual review...

I thought it was fantastic! The movie was JUST dark enough that I didn't have to rip my hair out. And all the cast was veryyyy good at what they did, and the director did a killer job showcasing them (ahem, Inception). Though I thought Mila Kunis's character was casted wrong. No, no, no, fellow lesbians, don't pick up the pitchfork yet! She was suupper sexy and fitted the bill with the "bad girl look". Both men and women look for that quality in a woman, don't lie. But I feel like someone else could've just as well filled the role.

I thought about casting Keira Knightly as the Black Swan, but I feel like a lot of our interational (even domestic) viewers would get suuuuper confused because Keira and Nat look so similar!

Challenge of the week: Which one is Nat?
Keira with a tan. How about that for compromise?

Fucking shit, I can't find a pic.... :(

To wrap things up...

Black Swan was a delightful watch, I'd go out and by the DVDs just because Nat. is so phenomenal in it. It's very nicely done because sexuality is key in this movie, but Aronofsky didn't trash it up! Good job, buddy.

The sound was great, the score was beautifully written with Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake integrated. A familiar sound with a beautiful modern twist. Too bad it dropped out of Oscar nods because it's too... "un-original" bullshit.

Beware now, readers...
Check yourself of Swan bumps before you dance next time.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Lesbian (Sub)Culture

So I'm super intrigued by culture. I love to teach and learn about different cultures and how people live their lives. Most cultures are born out of necessity and separated by geography. But I've recently been noticing a culture that is separated by geography, born of necessity, but all are of the same premise. Confusing? Yeah, I know, but let me try to explain myself. I will be using bullet points because that makes me sound more asshole-y and less stupid.

  • Lesbian Culture is born out of necessity. Even though every member of the Lesbian community look different, smell different, and have no seemingly linear connection, they have on thing in common: Isolation. I'm not going to speak for all, but me personally, when I was a young confused little Midwest Asian girl growing up in the midwest (duh), I didn't have role models to look up to. I didn't have other gay ladies around me to help me feel included. Thank god for all the teen girl-on-girl-action flicks like But I'm a Cheerleader, D.E.B.S, Imagine Me and You, and most importantly, The L Word.
    Aside from these "role models," I swore to myself that there isn't another lesbian out there other then myself. Let alone anyone who would be interested in me. I wasn't the cutest little lesbian on the market.

Hi, 14 y/o Lisa Yang. Thanks.

When I went off to college, (god, I wish I had a pic to show everyone, but I'm sure you can find one on my Facebook easily) I had the hopes and aspiration that I will show up, and ladies would line up at my doorstep (Well, again, Facebook pics...). Except, may nights spent in my dorm room without a girl in my arms and wondering where are the cute lesbian (geez, at least curious) girls were.
  • This sort of lesbian culture is born out of necessity because one party or more feels like the girl she's with right now is gonna be the only girl EVER for her. Like she's waited too long for a gay girl to come along that the next one may be another ten years down the line.
  • It's very interesting because gay girls from different backgrounds all had or have had this phenomenon. It's a connecting factor in the Lesbian community.
I'm sure many lesbians out there were/are like me, looking for THE girl. Sometimes, the first girl you're with... you can't get rid of. Either because there's a sort of weird connection that even though she's a complete bitch; you can't seem to get yourself to get rid of her. I've heard of extremely long-distance relationships that only made sense to the people in it. And so frequently one party has to give up a lot to even maintain this relationship.

Heterosexual relationships are not as... "desperate" because the next guy you see can be "the" guy. Just as much as the guy you're currently with is.

I once had a conversation with a straight guy once about how, "Any one can be your 'one', because you have to be willing to be the right person for her." I completely agree. I can make any girl fall in love with me. I'm not being arrogant. If I want this relationship to work out, I can be sacrifice anything to make her happy. Granted, I may not be happy; but at least she's in love with me! :D

I find it kinda depressing that girls can't just think for themselves sometimes and see that there are plenty of good fish out there, without going overseas... or sacrificing themselves.

Welps, who am I to talk? I hope everyone have a great holidays and great winter break... I'll try to post more.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Reproduction is just the side effect.

I've been meaning to pick this blog back up for SUCH a long time. Shit, the last time I posted was back in '09. I know wines that are older that that.

Something about posting in a blog that I really like. Naturally, my fingers just find the curves of the keys and type away. I don't actually have any good content lately, but I can try to pull something out. Hmm. I got it.

Alright, so I was sitting in my "Media and Society" class the other day, and we're talking about sex. Ahhh, only my favorite topic, no?

Alright, so here it goes: we're talking about sex and this girl brings up a very interesting topic. "So back in the prairie days (I think she's talking about the 1850s?), people had sex to reproduce. The husband would be married to the wife, and it wouldn't have mattered if the wife came or anything, it was all about reproduction. Like now, we care about our feelings and emotions and pleasures." I stopped listening around then. She wasn't making a point.

Well, actually, she was. But I'm just quite curious; "the prairie people" had sex for reproduction only? I mean, there's just SO MUCH to do out in the open plaines! I have to get up at 5 am, milk my buffalo, pet my chicken, clean my horse. And then I have to go chase my buffalo before they fly away and clip their wings... Geez, I don't have time for sex.

The thing is, sex is such a natural need and desire. I highly doubt that "the prairie people" had sex ed like my 5th grade health class. I mean, what are the chances that John knew the mechanics of "sex"? You put it in, you take it out, you put it in again, and there was a funny feeling. If you do it enough times, my legs get weak and my soul leaks out. And for some weird reason, my wifey's belly's getting bigger, Hmm.. I better feed her less, if not she might eat all my buffalo wings.

I'm sure they were more sophisticated than that. But I don't know how about feel about, "people from the olden days only had sex for reproduction".

I've heard about affairs throughout history. Cleopatra and Antony, for example, is a classic tale. Their relationship not political, they had no desire to reproduce. They just want to fuck. There, I said it. Napoleon and Josephine. Granted those couples weren't necessarily having an "affair", but what they had was true love. It wasn't a partnership, it wasn't a business transaction.

Reproduction is side-effect. Pleasure is the main drug.

In the present day, we don't have to chase flying buffalos anymore, or pet our own chickens, we have time to sit down and think about what makes us feel good. In the publishing age, people will write about ANYTHING they can get their hands on. Go to (this is NOT an endorsement, you better pay up, Amazon!) and search up a book on annnyyy topic you want. I'll go ahead and do an example. Penis enlargement. Twitter. How to Spit. I searched how to spit and I found that salamanders spit to protect themselves. See what's happening here? Back in the days, it's "If you can't, you teach." Now it's, "If you can't, you write about it".

So how's surprised that there's 5 bajillion books out there on "sex"? I am totally getting that penis enlargement book too, Super Saver Shipping! Wahbam!

My point? Oh yeah. So now, we have the time to sit down and discuss what feels good to us, and make it about us.

The misconception of "people back then don't have sex for fun" is wrong. What I'm saying is, there were people out there who had sex for fun. There were people out there who had sex for reproduction. People now have sex for fun. (we're more vocal about it, c'mon have you never checked out There are also people now who have sex for reproduction. It just seem like a crime these days if you're fucking but not enjoying.

Shit, final tomorrow. 'Til next time, bloggers.