Saturday, July 11, 2009

You Might Be a Lesbian If...

Alright, blogosphere, I know there's many many many many lists out there that says "You Might Be a Lesbian If...", but this one, I'm gonna tell you now, is not much more accurate, just more of a fun read. ;)


  • This is absolutely cliche; but if you're reading this post, you're more likely that you're questioning yourself. And if you're even questioning yourself, then you're probably a lesbian. Or at least bi, stop kidding yourself. ;) I'm sure Econ or Pysch or English is INCREDIBLY interesting, but I'm sure that's not the reason why you can't take your eyes off your teacher/professor.
  • Lesbians have incredible strength. I'm not even kidding, almost every one I know can pick up a cinderblock and drop it on her own toes. Like my little cousin, I know it's not saying much, but she can probably out arm-wrestle any emo boy. C'mon girls, it takes a lot of throw a softball. That's just such a bad stereotype! My lovable roommate constantly reminds me that it's so not true, but those butch girls are so cute! Also, us lesbians are also the lazier of the bunch, we like to carry in all our groceries in one run, which also develops our biceps to mutant status.
  • If your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a lesbian.
Above: Lesbian hand

I honestly still holds that 80% true to heart. All the "straight" girls I've met had longer index fingers, all bi girls I've met had completely even lengthed ring fingers. But I've also met about 5-6 straight girls with longer ring fingers. So, 80%. But if you're left handed, this theory is nullified.

There is actual scientific proof that sustains this theory, actually. According some college some where, when in the uterus, the fetus that receives larger amounts of testosterone develops the ring finger more, thus making it longer. More testosterone means more masculinity, which one may include attraction to females.

I don't know. I guess it's not a theory, since it's not a proven fact... it's a decent hypothesis at most. Take it with a grain of salt. The only real way to determine a woman's orientation by her fingers is if they are inside of you. Sorry for the vulgarity, but it's so true. (credits to a certain aE reader ;))

  • Heard this on the L Word: When you were a child, did you prefer a monkey or a horse as a pet? If you answered monkey, our team is more suited for your liking. But I also know a gal who happens to be a big fan of horses, but she is a bigger fan of girls (or so she tells us). There's always exceptions to every one of these little lesbians markers, but we've been speculating the validity of her work visa to play for our team for a while now... Hmm...
  • Finger nails. So I was talking a good friend of mine from high school, and somehow we got to the topic of... ob/gyn. And something about some acrylic nails and 33 stitches and 2 lesbians. Put that together yourself, I'm not suggesting anything. But yeah, so lesbians must have short nails. Which is understandable.
So this random hour, on this random day, my roommate (yes, JUST roommate) and I decided, we need to educate ourselves, because the $8000000000 we pay in tuition isn't doing us much of any favor. We went out and got a Hustler. Yes. Porno mag. Love it. And in the centerfold, we found: Bleached blonde chick, silicon boobs with a Grande Canyon between them, and acrylic nails. Guess where those acrylic nails went? 33 stitches.

Hypothesis 1: Those lesbians were ruff-riders
Hypothesis 2: The girl in the magazine is just posing, and not... much... action?
Regardless, it's always been a classic sign to tell if this hottie is swinger her bat for your team if her nails are short.

  • Lesbians are good with computers. Personally, I don't wanna brag, but I know my way around a computer quite nicely, as I know words like: USB, SD Card, Memory Stick (Pro Duo), DDR (nope, not the arcade game), RAM, Flash (not the kind at Mardi Gras), PC, Mac and the like. Like even numbskull Jenny from the L word apparently knows how to jailbreak an iPhone so she can use it as a video camera! Tina knew enough to cyber with a dude, Alice knows how to upload podcasts, and Max/Moira works at a computer place! Nuff said? Hot cast beats bad writing anyday.

I know this is quite short, but I lost my notes for this post... let me know if I left anything major out ;)

peace out!

p.s. Remember! great piece of salt when reading ANY of my posts. ;)

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Big Pimped in the NYC

Hello, ladies. 

The liveblog I promised: I realized it's a complete bore to force you all (3) to put up with my journey to the great east, thus, I'll just highlight some of my favorite parts. 

I went to see Chicago on Broadway, and I would highly recommend it if you haven't seen a broadway show before. Aha, I'll do a short compare and contrast with the musical and the 2005 Academy-award-winning-gorgeous-ladies-studded movie. 


Not going to lie, the main reason I chose Chicago over the plethora of other Broadway shows is because of a sweet lady by the name of Chandra Wilson. Miss Wilson stars on popular prime time show Grey's Anatomy as Dr. Miranda "The Nazi" Bailey. I absolutely adore her. She's a small, ambitious, no-nonsense perfectionist pediatric surgeon. Beast. 

Funny story: so I'm a woman, thus I have to pee like 40 times a day. So do other women. The line outside the Women's restrooms in the Big Apple are as long as the lines for rides at Disney World. But unlike the rides at Disney World, I have to get in. I'm determined. As I'm standing in line, formulating how awesome it is to relieve the pressure on my bladder is going to be, I see this little woman stumble out of restroom. OMG! Chandra Wilson! I was gonna jump out of line and run after her for a photograph, but then... I'd lose my spot. So I let that opportunity slip, besides, she turned out to be the cleaning lady anyways. (nothing derogatory intended) 

But the cool thing was, this girl was tall and lanky in front of me, she had her hood up, and I was being a little bitch, and was thinking thoughts like: "wow, does she think she's Halle Barry or something?" It's not because it's her, it's because I think of that for any person who's trying to be inconspicuous. Well, I got back to my 2nd row seat, and saw her sat down in the front row, with her family. I'm absolutely convinced that she's Chandra Wilson's daugther, Serena. (I think that's her name. I really should do my research before making claims.

Well, I did take some pictures, but I don't want to seem like a complete stalker. Or a criminal for taking pictures at a Broadway show. So I'm gonna upload, but I had no intentions of copyright infringement, I'm just a really really big fan. All copyrights belong to the Chicago and Co. (just to be on the safe side ;) The usher actually did threaten to take away my new camera if I don't stop taking pictures! The Horrors!)

Well, back to the comparison. 

Roxy - 

Broadway (Played by Bonnie Langford): She was... incredibly immature. She wanted fame, and it doesn't matter how she got it. Which was completely on par with the script. Roxy was supposed to be this girl who wanted to make it famous so badly, she would sleep with anyone. It was exaggerated, it was over the line, it was appropriate.  

Movie (Played by Renee Zellweger): Renee gave me this vibe of innocence. I've never seen anything else done by her, but I have seen clips of Bridget Jones, which gave me this faux-naiveness about her. Her portrayal didn't scream slut or prima donna to me, it just seemed out of character. My favorite Roxy part has to be the ventriloquist. And to the list of "Bitch-moves by women", topping it has to be the pregnancy off of Chicago.  It was beautiful. It was perfect. 


Broadway (Played by Arma-Faye Wright): She most definitely has the shazzam of a jazz singer, her performance was incredible, in the sense of a live show. Her face looked of an mid-30s if not 40s woman, but her body moved with the music that 20 year-olds cannot possible manage. (okay, I don't know shit about dance, so I may be completely off). She was really good. Her acting, though, wasn't as great. She didn't send off the "deserving prima donna" vibe. She was the main dish of this show because she could sing and dance incredibly well. This is comparing to Catherine Zeta-Jones. 

Movie (Played by Catherine Zeta-Jones): I've also haven't (consciously) seen anything done by Catherine, but I was sold. Her bob-hair cut and her bitchiness radiated from her bones. She was perfect for the part. Her dancing would probably be just as good if I were to see her live, but her disadvantage is that film reel. During the song, "Acts of Desperation", the dance and acting skillz of Catherine was noticeably better. My favorite Velma part is the Cell-Block Tango, it was clever and very well performed by both the live and studio production. 

Ignore the dude's head 

Broadway: It was a wow factor of 10. It was incredible to see these people sing and dance so eloquently and can be goofy when necessary. Everything was perfect. If I were to have seen the Broadway production first, it would have probably be ranked as one of the top experiences ever (yes, even better than Niagara Falls. Much better). I realize the lack of props available and all the limiting circumstances of a stage musical, and I still found it amazing. I'm seriously a big fan of plays. From high school to Broadway. All the people work really hard in it to put together something entertaining for people to talk about. I love the energy.

Movie: I love movies. All the possibilities and all the crazy things you can do. Love it all. The director of Chicago did an awesome job putting things together. My favorite difference from the movie and Broadway show are the transitions and integrations between the storyline and music. 

If you haven't checked out either, I greatly recommend it. Seriously. Check it out, yo!

Up Next! Signs you might be a lesbian! I know there's a lot of those out there... but this one's from Lisa ;)